(no subject)

[jackofallgeeks]

"The king of all things was... ThingKing..."

Like I was telling a friend the other day, change is good. Life is change; without change there is no life. I'm a very relationship-oriented person, and it holds that when a relationship falls into stasis, it dies...

"Did I tell you about Sammy Jenkins? Only everytime I see you. Don't worry, the story gets better everytime you tell it."

Sometimes I feel like I just keep saying the same things over and over... And though it's not a matter of never getting over it, it seems the same things just swing back and hit me everytime. The best advice I've gotten recently, and from several sources, is not to force things. Change doesn't happen over night. So then, how long will it take me to finally be able to not force things?

I'm afraid of losing friends. Always have been, and I think I always will be. I can think of a great number of friends I used to have, and a handful who have recently slipped off... and perhapse, even a number who are falling away even now. We're just growing apart. That doesn't make it any easier. I don't like losing friends.

I feel not-quite-empty this morning, and I can't say why. I think, maybe, I've fallen into a stasis. I don't know... maybe I should just go get something to eat...

---

I wonder, sometimes, if maybe I should just pretend like nothing's bothering me... Maybe it would make things easier on my friends or something. I used to play that game, long before most of you met me. I didn't like it then, and I wouldn't like it now. But I wonder, sometimes...

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Don't do it, Andrew - don't fall into the pretending for the sake of others trap. It's a deadly one; once you're in it, it's hard to get back out. There's no chance for anything to get any better unless people know how you feel. Once they know, things still might not get any better, but there's no chance of it if you remain silent.

[surichan.livejournal.com]

And, just 'cause you like Memento references so much, I'll correct yours: it's Sammy Jankis. ::smiles:: I've told you this before, haven't I?

[rimshot]

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-giggles- Cute. And I mean it this time.
Now... where was I?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-smiles- You, Leslie, and perhapse Louis, are the only one(s) who would have known me back then, when I played that game. I didn't play it well, mind you -- I generally didn't have to. I've had a nice life thus far. I know things won't get better if I remain silent, which is part of the reason I feel so constrained when I don't fell like I can say what I have to say, y'know? I know better than to throw myself from that precipice again, but... -shrugs- All the same, I feel like such a bother, sometimes. Louis once mentioned that he didn't want to be that guy. Sometimes, I think I am.

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I think we're all "that guy" at one time or another...some of us more than others. It's awful, but I don't think we can avoid it.

Yeah...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

Feeling like you're a bother is no good at all. That's probably why I was kinda surprised when Mark said I wasn't being a bitch and that he needed bothering every now and then. I'm so convinced that I'm a pain in the ass to everyone and it sucks. Hope you had a lovely day today!... I was reminded by my mother that I have a bike trip next Thursday, so I can't come up, but I'd love to meet you in Fredericksburg for lunch during the week. How does Wednesday or Friday sound? I just hope one of those days can fit in with your schedule...

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

-nuzzle-
I assure you, you are not a bother -- to anyone, near as I can tell, and Mark saying so should help validate that.
As for me... -shrugs- I think too much, and I start thinking that people don't want to hear what I have to say... I sit here listening to myself, and when I start getting sick of listening to myself, I figure no one else wants to listen to me, either. And then that's the worst, because that's usually when I need someone to talk to the most.
I can get myself into a pretty tight spot if I'm not careful where I'm thinking...

That's a shame about Thursday -- it's alright, though, cause Tina managed to convince a couple of her girl friends to come play, too. -devilish grin- I would have seen if it could be moved a day later, myself, as that's my first day out of classes, but one of Tina's friends can only make it on Thursday and, well... it's not like he's the most important if you catch my meaning...  ^_~
Anyways, yeah, I'd love to meet you in Fredericksburg. Wednesday is bad for me, as I'm still in classes, but Friday would work perfectly (so long as I'm home for dinner). Gimme a call or something and we'll work it out.

[violetmay.livejournal.com]

A wise woman once told me that if you have just ONE true friend, one who will listen without prejudice, let you cry when need be, and come running when you need them most (and especially when you need them least)... If you have just ONE friend like this, than you are doing better than the other guy who has fifty friends whom he can't count on... I am a firm believer of this. I can count on less than ten fingers, the people in my life whom I consider true friends (and this includes family) but I know that I can count on every single one of them, and that means more than the 20 friends I had a couple years ago that i don't have now... You know what I'm saying? And -grins- your true friends will never think you are a bother, even when you ask advice on the same issue 500 times! Always remember that! ^_^