(no subject)
Mar. 31st, 2003 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeks"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
I am Jack's overwhemling sense of uselessness.
Today was... difficult? It started last night, I think. Missing people, dearly. I don't remember too much, except for tossing in bed, trying to not think... This morning I was plagued by the same lingering thoughts while I registered for classes. I crawled back into bed (had to get up early to register) and ended up sleeping through class.
That didn't help me. To compound the torment of... well, of feeling un-needed and unwanted, now I'd missed another class, so I felt... like a useless slacker. Kinda like I just can't do anything right. For those of you who have never felt so, it's not a good feeling at all. On top of all that, I'd forgotten my meal-card in my room when I went to work, so I didn't get lunch.
Work started to make things better. Well, not so much work as the fact that I chatted with Stacey. It was nice to talk with a friend, and though I was half-distracted by work and she had to go after an hour or so, it really made me feel alot better. It doesn't typically take much to pull me out of the hole...
But by the time I'd gotten back to my room, after submitting a form for a transcript and making an appointment for tomorrow morning, I was feeling down again. I don't even know what set it off, really, I just know I was was good, good, good, but then back in my room I was feeling unwanted, un-needed, unloved... I saw Claire (Away, as is customary) and just said 'hi,' mostly because I don't like 'seeing' people and not being able to talk to them.... A bit later she came back from being Away and responded to me, not knowing that I was here behind my message. I really should take it down when i'm here... I can't really say why I don't (Yes I can. Sometimes I don't want to talk to people -- no one here. No one anyone here even knows. But people who, typically, I'd rather not talk to. And somehow, decieving them is preferable to ignoring them...)
Anyways, Claire and I chatted, mostly about nothing, and I told her I'd been feeling down... She suggested I go out and get some fresh air (she's really nature-oriented) and, wonder of wonders, it helped quite a bit. It took a concious effort to walk instead of stride as I'm inclined to do, but I made a circuit around the Pryz, the Mall, and then to Pangborn for class. An aditional stroke of luck was that, while mind-numbing, class tonight with Abe was tolerable.
So... I'm recovering...
"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown, so why am I ten feet under and upside-down?"
I am Jack's overwhemling sense of uselessness.
Today was... difficult? It started last night, I think. Missing people, dearly. I don't remember too much, except for tossing in bed, trying to not think... This morning I was plagued by the same lingering thoughts while I registered for classes. I crawled back into bed (had to get up early to register) and ended up sleeping through class.
That didn't help me. To compound the torment of... well, of feeling un-needed and unwanted, now I'd missed another class, so I felt... like a useless slacker. Kinda like I just can't do anything right. For those of you who have never felt so, it's not a good feeling at all. On top of all that, I'd forgotten my meal-card in my room when I went to work, so I didn't get lunch.
Work started to make things better. Well, not so much work as the fact that I chatted with Stacey. It was nice to talk with a friend, and though I was half-distracted by work and she had to go after an hour or so, it really made me feel alot better. It doesn't typically take much to pull me out of the hole...
But by the time I'd gotten back to my room, after submitting a form for a transcript and making an appointment for tomorrow morning, I was feeling down again. I don't even know what set it off, really, I just know I was was good, good, good, but then back in my room I was feeling unwanted, un-needed, unloved... I saw Claire (Away, as is customary) and just said 'hi,' mostly because I don't like 'seeing' people and not being able to talk to them.... A bit later she came back from being Away and responded to me, not knowing that I was here behind my message. I really should take it down when i'm here... I can't really say why I don't (Yes I can. Sometimes I don't want to talk to people -- no one here. No one anyone here even knows. But people who, typically, I'd rather not talk to. And somehow, decieving them is preferable to ignoring them...)
Anyways, Claire and I chatted, mostly about nothing, and I told her I'd been feeling down... She suggested I go out and get some fresh air (she's really nature-oriented) and, wonder of wonders, it helped quite a bit. It took a concious effort to walk instead of stride as I'm inclined to do, but I made a circuit around the Pryz, the Mall, and then to Pangborn for class. An aditional stroke of luck was that, while mind-numbing, class tonight with Abe was tolerable.
So... I'm recovering...
"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown, so why am I ten feet under and upside-down?"
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-03-31 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-31 05:56 pm (UTC)I was feeling unwanted, un-needed, unloved...
Well, I'm not going to commit myself to any wanting, needing, or loving at this time (I'm not THAT crazy, I mean come on, I would have to have known you for at least a few more days! -laughing- ^_~) but, at least I can say that you made a new friend this past week, so it could be worse! :P
no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 07:17 am (UTC)-smiles- And it's much appreciated. Things usually aren't as bad as I imagine, and this is one such case. -shrugs- Everyone has their ups and downs; this was a down, and after hitting the low, I think i'm back on my way up.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 01:26 pm (UTC)