I was Born; So I was Told, and So I Believe...

[jackofallgeeks]

This post started out as a comment to a Post one of my Friends made. However, as I went through it, I kinda wanted to post it, as such, in my journal, just as it's a bit of random musings that I've been going over for a while. I hope, Beth, that you'll excuse the lack of a comment.

---

It's a funny thing, the future... I used to know what I wanted, really I did. I still do, in a way. But... Sometimes I look forward, through the haze, and it seems pointless, in a way. I mean, really, so I go out and I start programming software so I can pay rent and feed myself. There's only one thing I've ever really been able to find any meaning in, and that's people. Just, interacting with them, helping them, doing something that's more worthwhile then putting another bill in the mail. I could program a thousand computers, and it wouldn't give me as much satisfaction as even a single hour of true conversation with another person... ^_^;; So yeah, there's a little ditty 'bout the future.

"I've noticed I'm drifting away from anime."
I've felt the same way, actually, and for quite some time. Even before I met you, Beth, and the other ladies at Neko. The only reason I went to that or any Con since was for the people -- friends, old and new. in a way, it's kind of sad. It sounds 'mature,' with that sour tinge, the one that makes you wear a suit and drive the speed limit. That kind of maturity you see in Old People that makes you say, "I never want to be like that." But on the other hand, I think most of what you mentioned are positive things -- admiring an artist for his art, becoming unenthused about the more childish things, and understanding that Japan and all that comes with it is not the whole world. I've noticed that as I go through College, it seems more and more that Adults, like my parents and aunts and the like, are really Real People, like me and my friends. I wonder if that's because we really weren't that different to begin with, or because I've slowly become just like them.

---

Then I realize that I've stayed up past 5:30 in the morning and I'm not all that tired.
Ha ha! They haven't gotten me yet!
-=passes out=-

Comments

[bluegrave.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that too. The more I go through school the more my mom and older family memebers seem to be more and more what I'm ending up as. Tough I have to say it scares the shit out of me becuse we're Hungarian and Hungarian women are scary, but you've just gotta sit back and wonder how much of the stuff that pissed you off to no end is going to be you in the not so distant anymore future.

[oceans-of-jade.livejournal.com]

It sounds 'mature,' with that sour tinge, the one that makes you wear a suit and drive the speed limit. That kind of maturity you see in Old People that makes you say, "I never want to be like that."

Exactly. But then you look at the other extreme and see the 'childish' people and you don't want to be that either. My method of dealing with feeling old, therefore, is to usually remind myself that: (a) I'm not that old (20 is incredibly young, when you think about it) and (b) if becoming an adult means I'll be something like my Dad or Mom, then bring it on! Because they're "adults" and "old" (technically) and they both still act like kids sometimes. ::grins::

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

I would definitely agree with you -- as much as I don't want to be an Old Fogey, I certainly don't want to be a Childe again. I have lots of younger cousins and siblings, as we all know, and I love them to death -- but I look at the way they react to things and all the stupid stuff that goes on that doesn't even matter -- I'm conciously pulling myself away from that. We're not in Sixth Grade anymore. Hell, we're not even in Highschool anymore.
I would also agree with the parents thing -- I respect my dad more than I can even put into words.  ^_^  If I could ever become the man he is, I think I might be satisfied with myself.

As for the rest -- I don't feel old. Infact, I often feel young. Not childish-young, but... I'm only 20 years old. I could very easily live for another 80 years or more. I have so much ahead of me.... And I feel like the world is small. Granted, you're talking to a guy who makes an 8hr drive to Ohio and thinks nothing of it, and one who's spent his entire life travelling, but... Even with all the places I haven't been, it all seems right at my fingertips. And it's just getting smaller. But in a good way.

And stuff.  ^_^

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I remember when I was younger, and I knew with absolute certainty what I wanted to do in every aspect of my life. I wanted a husband, and a kid, and I wanted to live in Japan for the rest of my life and translate. And watch a whole lot of anime.

Now...I'm not sure I want a husband, I don't want children, I don't want to live in Japan forever, and I want to speak many languages. I want to do many things. And I pretty much hate anime. The world seems a lot bigger, and while that largeness offers me much opportunity, it also seems too big to handle; oppressive. It's scary and thrilling...and I feel old. Not too old...but like I'm losing time that I should be spending doing something better than what I am doing.

Father Jim told me in my last conversation with him that it seems I'm forever trying to live 5 years ahead of myself. I think I always have been. I just don't know how to slow down now that my future is my present...and just live that.

[otakulk.livejournal.com]

It's a funny thing, the future... I used to know what I wanted, really I did. I still do, in a way. But... Sometimes I look forward, through the haze, and it seems pointless, in a way. I mean, really, so I go out and I start programming software so I can pay rent and feed myself. There's only one thing i've ever really been able to find any meaning in, and that's people. Just, interacting with them, helping them, doing something that's more worthwhile then putting another bill in the mail. I could program a thousand computers, and it wouldn't give me as much satisfaction as even a single hour of true conversation with another person... ^_^;; So yeah, there's a little ditty 'bout the future.
Oh man I totally know how you feel. How many times have I said "I don't wanna end up in a cubicle the rest of my life"? Its like I said to Beth, its not what you major in, its what you do with your major. Take the computer stuff that you know and work on a project with people (like the game thing, good idea). Find what you like to do with the computers. Find out how you can appply what you know to jobs other than programming in a cubicle. I am looking into instructional design, and maybe owning my own company. I also love the video stuff. If you end up in a job where you are secluded all day, make up for it after work. Surround yourself with so many good people that you are always in a good mood when you get to work, and it only becomes another 8 hours of your life that you tolerate.