jackofallgeeks | Personal Demons

Y'know, sometimes I feel like a real fuck-up.
Like I'm not who I want to be.
Or that I can't live up to my own standards.

You, I know I'm human like everyone else on this rock, but it one claims to champion some ideal, he should fucking hold to it. A man's got to stand for something, and it's not fucking cool when he falls.

I can lay the blame anywhere I choose,
But it's my life.

It's not fun to feel like you can't do anything fucking right.
Yeah, I'm a bit disappointed in myself right now.
Probably not so much as it seems.

Take a Breath

I don't tell anyone everything. No one does, I dare say. Some ladies, dear to my heart, come pretty close, and I might say closer than they themselves realize. But, sometimes, I wonder if what I don't tell makes me someone else. Someone not who I claim to be. Almost like I'm involuntarily living a lie.

I want to tell someone, I imagine. I want there to be at least one person who I can tell everything to. It doesn't have to be a romantic interest -- sometimes I wonder if anyonme will ever have me in that way -- but someone still who I can tell the world to, and have them understand me. Someone who won't see the person I have to face sometimes.

But... it's not so easy. There's always some reason not to tell. Always some reason why the other person doesn't want to hear it, doesn't need to hear it. It's not so easy to show another person the side of ourselves that we would sooner forget.

Explative, to read this, you'd think I was some kind of freaking Jekyl and Hyde. Whatever, it's not like it could really make much sense anyways.

I almost just went into a chat room.
I'm turning Arcanum on before I do something I regret. O.o