The Mirror

[jackofallgeeks]

The naked light bulb swung lazily back and forth on it's wire, throwing awkward shadows around the room. I sat on the stained mattress in the corner of the room, running my palm over my scraggly jowls. My feet, sitting bare against the floor, were so calloused that they could hardly feel the rough grain beneath them. There were no windows in this room, only a worn and pitted door. For that I was thankful. There is a man who I once knew. Sometimes, he would still come and visit me, late in the night when the alcohol's glow was fading. When it should have been time to awaken, had I anything worth waking for. I stood shakily and gazed blearily across the room at him. He gazed back, shook his head, and laughed at me. "What has become of you," he asked, his voice ringing in my head. I shuffled my feet, avoided his eyes. "It's the light," I answered. "It's this poor lighting that makes me look so." I looked up, and he smiled at me, in not a friendly way. "No," his voice rang again, "I'm afraid you're mistaken." I sighed resignedly, without hope. I staggered forward and lightly touched the pane of glass between us. There was no use in disguising what was so plain. You see, I'd spent my whole life denying that the man in the mirror was me. Like a child lost in an illusion, he yet imagined the things that could be. But I watched them all disappear on this night; I carry on, among the forsaken. For there is no point in denying what is so easy to see: I too will die one day. The man in the mirror agreed.

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Ooh. ::raises eyebrows:: This is good. Like a songfic, but not. I like it.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Songfic? Explain, yes?
You likie?  ^_^

[surichan.livejournal.com]

A songfic is where you take a song and set a story to it. Kinda like making a music video on paper. You intersperse the lyrics of the song throughout the story, so it ends up lookin' something like this:

[And I don't know what it is about you
I just know it's not what it was
I don't know why red fades before blue; it just does
And I don't know what it is about me
That I just can't keep still
I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you
And maybe someday I will

She had never meant to hurt him. She'd loved him for so long...and even though that love had flown, she still felt she owed him for the good years they'd had together. She still cared for him, and wished with all her heart that things hadn't gone this way...that she'd never allowed her eyes to linger when they began wandering; that she'd never allowed her mind and heart to follow after them, but there was nothing she could do about that now.]

Somethin' like that. But yours is the first of its kind that I've seen...actually telling the story of a song, instead of around it. And yes, I likie.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

So then, a SongFic would be a story which has pertinent lyrics from a given song plugged in every paragraph or two?

[oceans-of-jade.livejournal.com]

Very nice, Andrew. I like how you kept the narrator and his reflection as two seperate identities, especially during the little bit of conversation they have.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the part I really liked. I'm a fan of people who talk to themselves (so you know I was simply tickled by the Smeagol/Gollum schene in TTT). I've been thinking of doing a "Sweating Bullets" Snippet, as well, and I think I just got inspiration on how to do it!
The Letters, Duke, the Letter!

[bsgnome.livejournal.com]

I like it, though it seems that in some places, especially the second paragraph, you borrow too directly from the song. If these places could be re-worded, even slightly, I think it would work alot better, while still being recognizable to those familiar with the song.

These are all just nit-picking details, I know, and in all honesty, I really like it. I can only wish that I could write prose as well. (I think that my poetry has been getting better though. If you'd like for me to post some of it, just say so.)

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I noticed that in spots, myself. I didn't want to be reciting the verses, but I did want to keep the same imagery and at least some of the phrasology. I think I may come back ande edit it some (yeah, I say that, but I never do).

I highly recommend you post your Poetry the way I post my Prose, though. I'm sure you'll make fans.

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

Much better!...

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

^_^  I'm glad you approve.