Quotable Quotes

[jackofallgeeks]

From Attack Of The Clones: Breadbox Edition

AMIDALA
Palpatine, why are you the only one
who has aged at all?

PALPATINE
Because I’m evil.

EVERYONE ELSE neglects to hear that.

------------------

PALPATINE
Still, I feel I must turn this situation to my
advantage. Let’s assign some Jedi to
protect her. How about…Obi-wan?

YODA
Suspicious I am. Do nothing I will.

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AMIDALA
I am concerned but my emotional range
is too limited to show it.

------------------

AMIDALA
Stop looking at me like that.

ANAKIN
Do I make you horny, baby?

AMIDALA
No, your lecherous smirk is creeping
me out.

------------------

INT. A CGI LIBRARY


AUDIENCE
Oh, for god’s sake… BUILD
A SET!

------------------

ANAKIN
Amidala, this love makes me spew
lines of dialogue that make Spider-man
seem like cinema genius! I cannot take
it any longer. If you are suffering too,
please feel free to empathize!


AMIDALA
I would, but that would require an
expression of emotion.

------------------

AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHO
HAVEN’T SEEN THE ORIGINAL
TRILOGY
Um, why do we keep cutting to the
kid? He’s not doing anything.


REST OF THE AUDIENCE
And he never will. But we love
him anyway.

------------------

YODA
Screwed we are.

------------------

PALPATINE
I could authorize an army, but I don’t have
the power. If only (Jar-Jar) someone (Jar-Jar)
would ask the Senate (Jar-Jar) to grant me
more power (Jar-Jar).

------------------

WAIT! YODA shows up with a bunch of…

AUDIENCE
Stormtroopers?! They need help and Yoda
brings stormtroopers? What are they going
to do, shoot up the sand?

BUT WAIT AGAIN! The CLONE STORMTROOPERS actually hit things! That they’re aiming for!

------------------

YODA
Down you’re going, bitch!


YODA KICKS ASS and TAKES NAMES.

------------------

AUDIENCE
Oddly enough, I thought this episode
was going to be about the Clone War.
“Attack of the Clones” and all.

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

"Down...you're going...bitch."

...

Aw, fuck it. I hated the movie, but that's fuggin' hilarious. ::commence the guffawin'::

Screwed we are.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

LOL
Well, it WAS a poor movie, and it sullied the name of 'Star Wars,' but i can't say I hated it. ^__^
Great lines for Yoda, though. -giggles-

[angeliccelestia.livejournal.com]

*snickerfit!* Excellent!

Adding my own favorites! :-)

[starlight1184.livejournal.com]

OBI-WAN
Why do I put up with you?

ANAKIN
Look, someday you will have to deal with
my whiny son. And in comparison to the
bitch I am being, you will realize he is not so bad.

---------------

OBI-WAN throws himself out a window. ANAKIN jacks a CAR. GEORGE LUCAS starts up the POD RACING SCENE from PHANTOM MENACE with a NEW BACKGROUND.

---------------

AUDIENCE
Yes, your incessant complaining is
sure to win her heart.

---------------

ANAKIN
Only if we can shove some foreshadowing
down the Audience’s throat at the same time.

----------------

ANAKIN
I cannot hide it any longer!
I love you, Amidala!

AMIDALA

And I you. But it cannot be.

AUDIENCE
Contractions! For mercy’s sake,
use contractions!

----------------

JANGO FETT
He must be dead by now. No
need to check or anything.

OBI-WAN
Now I can approach the planet
in complete secrecy.

AUDIENCE
So, there’s no radar or air
patrols or anything?

COUNT DOOKU
We shall all join together and
separate from the Republic.

AUDIENCE
I have the strangest urge to join Sauron.

OBI-WAN
I better tell the Council we’ve overlooked
the blatantly obvious again.

-------------

AUDIENCE
Oh, for heaven’s sake! Just shoot
the prisoners! You know they’re just
going to get away!

--------------

AMIDALA makes a picklock materialize in her mouth and uses it to get free. BIG KITTY rips her outfit in a strategic place, making her costume look like something LARA CROFT would wear.

-------------

DOOKU
You fools. You should have joined
Sauron when you had the chance. Die!

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