The Other Side
Jan. 21st, 2003 02:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksYeah, so, surprise surprise, I've been really kinda peeved t'day. Louis and Claire got hints at that, though I'm not sure Claire saw hers. Of course, my mail seems really putz-ish right now, so who knows.
Anyways, I've been feeling off alot lately, as I may have mentioned. First being really emotional (but in a good way) and then for a day I just felt sour. Today... Well, it started off last night when Trevor told me Rose had found a comment I'd made in my post offensive, and he agreed. Being me, I spent some time the other night writing them an e-mail explaning my stand, though I'd like to think I wasn't appologizing (look up the origins of that word, it can be enlightening). But that aside, I could really give a damn. First off, it's my damn journal, I'll say what I want. Second off all, ANYONE who knows me knows I don't approve of that situation. I can understand it, certainly, but I have far too many friends with babies for it to be a good thing. And you know what? It's MY opinion, so fuck off.
Yeah, we can tell that was a good way to start off the day. This morning was a little bit better. As I said, I got online, and I think I chatted with Kim, or Amanda, or the Mock girls. I can't remember, these things get fuzzy. Rose started over here, so I said to Trevor "The deal was a 24-pack of sodas for taking you out there, right?" "Oh, that was just for going yesterday, because it would have been so hard for you."
OK, ok, I know there's more to being a nice guy than being repaid. People tend to like you more, generally. You get an amount of respect, but there's also a sense of accomplishment, something about doing something for someone without any reward. It's little things like that which I try to live up to -- I WANT to be a nice guy. But this is a Venting Post. We got there and, while the two star-crossed love-birds wandered around picking up whatever it was they wanted, guess who got stuck pushing the cart? And I would've been fine with that - if they acknowledged me as a person! I felt like a fucking servant the way they walked 10ft ahead of me, and weren't the least bit concerned when I got ctuck because my cart couldn't get through the jams they could.
Then we drive again. I like driving, as I said. It's soothing. Less so with Trevor in the car. I've had more fucking time on the road than he has by thousands of miles - I assure you he hasn't ever driven across the country once, let alone thrice. I can maneuver that boat of a car I have in ways that repeatedly get a word of admiration out of his lips. And yet for some reason, he's a damnable ball of stress whenever we're on the road. Normally, I can glide through traffic, perfectly confident in my movements. Not so when he's always cringing and grasping for an "oh-shit handle." Nor does it help when either of them (since neither appreciates my music) tells me to switch CDs or skip tracks. I can understand differences in tastes, and I'm typically OK with this. But if I'm choffeuring you around without so much as a $8 case of coke to show for it, the least you could allow me is my own damn music. they didn't complain about Refractions, lucky for them, though Trevor made a snide comment about brown-nosing when Rose complemented me on the Disc.
It's a good thing for all involved that I enjoy driving.
We got back, and I had gotten something out of the deal -- a sandwich from Chik-fil-a and a single can of coke. Whee. I wasn't feeling terribly grand by now, but I knew I had work to do. It was only DiffEQ and Prog. Lang., but it was quite a bit. I started on DiffEQ, got through the first half, but then got stumped. I was feeling worse, then. I asked Jim if we could work on it, and then I headed out for a drive. I really needed to get out -- Trevor's very presence was starting to get on my nerves.
As I said before, I don't like driving without a destination, and so here I would like to thank Louis for giving me one. As mundane as it might have been, I really needed a friend tonight. And the movie wasn't that bad -- plus you're mom has never failed to amuse me, as far back as I can remember (which is about 6 hours). I went to Louis's at about 7:00 or 8:00, dropped by Taco Bell, saw a snip of his latest vid (It already kicks ass!) and watched the Ah! My Goddess movie. Louis said it was flakey, but it wasn't THAT bad. OK, maybe it was, but it was decent.
Anyways, I got back here, feeling much better, and found an empty mailbox and this little post. I saw through a couple of Leslie's ruses, so seeing through this veil didn't take much. It crashed my mood, but not so much that I'm going to go to bed unhappy. I'll curl up with that lovely blue-and-black fuzzy blanket I have and think of warmer times with friendlier people.
For those who know, this is very much a similar situation as I recall having with Jeff Deal. Except I decided then that I didn't want to put up with it. But, I'm not proud of my anger, and I'd rather not wallow in it. Just wanted to get this out to my 'trusted circle of friends,' if you will.
Anyways, I've been feeling off alot lately, as I may have mentioned. First being really emotional (but in a good way) and then for a day I just felt sour. Today... Well, it started off last night when Trevor told me Rose had found a comment I'd made in my post offensive, and he agreed. Being me, I spent some time the other night writing them an e-mail explaning my stand, though I'd like to think I wasn't appologizing (look up the origins of that word, it can be enlightening). But that aside, I could really give a damn. First off, it's my damn journal, I'll say what I want. Second off all, ANYONE who knows me knows I don't approve of that situation. I can understand it, certainly, but I have far too many friends with babies for it to be a good thing. And you know what? It's MY opinion, so fuck off.
Yeah, we can tell that was a good way to start off the day. This morning was a little bit better. As I said, I got online, and I think I chatted with Kim, or Amanda, or the Mock girls. I can't remember, these things get fuzzy. Rose started over here, so I said to Trevor "The deal was a 24-pack of sodas for taking you out there, right?" "Oh, that was just for going yesterday, because it would have been so hard for you."
OK, ok, I know there's more to being a nice guy than being repaid. People tend to like you more, generally. You get an amount of respect, but there's also a sense of accomplishment, something about doing something for someone without any reward. It's little things like that which I try to live up to -- I WANT to be a nice guy. But this is a Venting Post. We got there and, while the two star-crossed love-birds wandered around picking up whatever it was they wanted, guess who got stuck pushing the cart? And I would've been fine with that - if they acknowledged me as a person! I felt like a fucking servant the way they walked 10ft ahead of me, and weren't the least bit concerned when I got ctuck because my cart couldn't get through the jams they could.
Then we drive again. I like driving, as I said. It's soothing. Less so with Trevor in the car. I've had more fucking time on the road than he has by thousands of miles - I assure you he hasn't ever driven across the country once, let alone thrice. I can maneuver that boat of a car I have in ways that repeatedly get a word of admiration out of his lips. And yet for some reason, he's a damnable ball of stress whenever we're on the road. Normally, I can glide through traffic, perfectly confident in my movements. Not so when he's always cringing and grasping for an "oh-shit handle." Nor does it help when either of them (since neither appreciates my music) tells me to switch CDs or skip tracks. I can understand differences in tastes, and I'm typically OK with this. But if I'm choffeuring you around without so much as a $8 case of coke to show for it, the least you could allow me is my own damn music. they didn't complain about Refractions, lucky for them, though Trevor made a snide comment about brown-nosing when Rose complemented me on the Disc.
It's a good thing for all involved that I enjoy driving.
We got back, and I had gotten something out of the deal -- a sandwich from Chik-fil-a and a single can of coke. Whee. I wasn't feeling terribly grand by now, but I knew I had work to do. It was only DiffEQ and Prog. Lang., but it was quite a bit. I started on DiffEQ, got through the first half, but then got stumped. I was feeling worse, then. I asked Jim if we could work on it, and then I headed out for a drive. I really needed to get out -- Trevor's very presence was starting to get on my nerves.
As I said before, I don't like driving without a destination, and so here I would like to thank Louis for giving me one. As mundane as it might have been, I really needed a friend tonight. And the movie wasn't that bad -- plus you're mom has never failed to amuse me, as far back as I can remember (which is about 6 hours). I went to Louis's at about 7:00 or 8:00, dropped by Taco Bell, saw a snip of his latest vid (It already kicks ass!) and watched the Ah! My Goddess movie. Louis said it was flakey, but it wasn't THAT bad. OK, maybe it was, but it was decent.
Anyways, I got back here, feeling much better, and found an empty mailbox and this little post. I saw through a couple of Leslie's ruses, so seeing through this veil didn't take much. It crashed my mood, but not so much that I'm going to go to bed unhappy. I'll curl up with that lovely blue-and-black fuzzy blanket I have and think of warmer times with friendlier people.
For those who know, this is very much a similar situation as I recall having with Jeff Deal. Except I decided then that I didn't want to put up with it. But, I'm not proud of my anger, and I'd rather not wallow in it. Just wanted to get this out to my 'trusted circle of friends,' if you will.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 09:05 am (UTC)I'll buy you a case of Coke. Just 'cause Coke's good. And then we can sit and commiserate about people who drive us up the wall.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 09:39 am (UTC)At the same time, I could almost imagine he intended me to see that, which very well mayb be the case. It wouldn't be hard to understand why he wouldn't come right out and say it, but at the same time... -shrugs-