Just One of Those Days...
Jan. 6th, 2003 05:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksI had been having a good day....
Got up really early this morning, compared to when I've been getting up. Dad had work today, so we got up to say Prayers at 6:00 or so. I was kinda-awake, but I could see cause I slept with my contacts in (these are going to come in handy). After Prayers, though, I crawled back upstairs and, after futily telling Gene gto work on School, climbed back into bed.
I didn't sleep so much as lay there, really. The sun had come up while we were downstairs, and so a hazy yellow light was sliding through between the blinds. The window was open, and the wind from down in the Canyon was blowing by, causing the blinds to swing against eachother. I lay there in bed, under the comforter, listening. And it rather reminded me of the surf, the way the wind would rush up from the canyon behind the house, and then recede, and the clacking of the blinds called to mind a small wooden tdock, with a little boat lazily knocking against it. It was actually quite pleasent.
Sometime around noon I roused myself from the bed. I showered and dressed, cooked a Pizza, and took some time to FINALLY write Ms. Mel a letter. I'd meant to get her a Christmas Card sent off, but I'm really rather bad with actual post, so about a week ago I decided I would just write her a letter. It was kinda fun, really. I printed off some lyrics to a few really good songs to send with it, but I wasn't able to find a decent Family picture to send with it (this was supossed to be a Christmas Card, after all). It was still short (only about 2-pages, double-sided) when I ran out of things to say.
It was sometime after that when I started to... drag. The Boys had been on the computers most of the day, and so I'd been cut off from any semblance of social contact, and when I did get on, there was no one on AIM and no e-mails to read...
I played Josh in MtG, figuring it migh help me out of my funk, only to play a series of seix sucky games, in which I had 1 land (or less) for the first 5 turns, and lost on the 6th. Oh yeah, THAT helped.
I just feel... empty, useless, un-needed, unwanted, alone, frustated, powerless, helpless, tired, needy... I feel like I have nothing to say, no one to say it to, and no one who would even want to listen. And I'm mad at myself for... well... I can't stand just sitting here crying for help. Not because it's 'bad' to need or want help, but because it feels like such a waste to -- ... ... ...
I wish I had somewhere to go for comfort without having to scream for it, sometimes.
I want to go lay down, 'sleep' it off, but I know that'll just make me feel worse. I need something to do, but there's nothing.
20:45 -- As a note, I'm doing alot better than I was. I'm still a bit... tired, but I got to see Claire, Kate, and Amanda, if only in passing. I also got an e-mail from a friend of mine, and I'm thus in much better spirits.
I think I may go to sleep early tonight, though. Sleep it off.
Oh, and I learned to tie a Tie. Be proud, yo. ^_^;;
Got up really early this morning, compared to when I've been getting up. Dad had work today, so we got up to say Prayers at 6:00 or so. I was kinda-awake, but I could see cause I slept with my contacts in (these are going to come in handy). After Prayers, though, I crawled back upstairs and, after futily telling Gene gto work on School, climbed back into bed.
I didn't sleep so much as lay there, really. The sun had come up while we were downstairs, and so a hazy yellow light was sliding through between the blinds. The window was open, and the wind from down in the Canyon was blowing by, causing the blinds to swing against eachother. I lay there in bed, under the comforter, listening. And it rather reminded me of the surf, the way the wind would rush up from the canyon behind the house, and then recede, and the clacking of the blinds called to mind a small wooden tdock, with a little boat lazily knocking against it. It was actually quite pleasent.
Sometime around noon I roused myself from the bed. I showered and dressed, cooked a Pizza, and took some time to FINALLY write Ms. Mel a letter. I'd meant to get her a Christmas Card sent off, but I'm really rather bad with actual post, so about a week ago I decided I would just write her a letter. It was kinda fun, really. I printed off some lyrics to a few really good songs to send with it, but I wasn't able to find a decent Family picture to send with it (this was supossed to be a Christmas Card, after all). It was still short (only about 2-pages, double-sided) when I ran out of things to say.
It was sometime after that when I started to... drag. The Boys had been on the computers most of the day, and so I'd been cut off from any semblance of social contact, and when I did get on, there was no one on AIM and no e-mails to read...
I played Josh in MtG, figuring it migh help me out of my funk, only to play a series of seix sucky games, in which I had 1 land (or less) for the first 5 turns, and lost on the 6th. Oh yeah, THAT helped.
I just feel... empty, useless, un-needed, unwanted, alone, frustated, powerless, helpless, tired, needy... I feel like I have nothing to say, no one to say it to, and no one who would even want to listen. And I'm mad at myself for... well... I can't stand just sitting here crying for help. Not because it's 'bad' to need or want help, but because it feels like such a waste to -- ... ... ...
I wish I had somewhere to go for comfort without having to scream for it, sometimes.
I want to go lay down, 'sleep' it off, but I know that'll just make me feel worse. I need something to do, but there's nothing.
20:45 -- As a note, I'm doing alot better than I was. I'm still a bit... tired, but I got to see Claire, Kate, and Amanda, if only in passing. I also got an e-mail from a friend of mine, and I'm thus in much better spirits.
I think I may go to sleep early tonight, though. Sleep it off.
Oh, and I learned to tie a Tie. Be proud, yo. ^_^;;
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
::hug:: head up, young person.
-mel
no subject
Date: 2003-01-07 10:59 am (UTC)Huggles!...
Date: 2003-01-07 12:30 pm (UTC)Re: Huggles!...
Date: 2003-01-07 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-07 02:00 pm (UTC)I love ya, bakabakashii.
(geez...ineffetual much? can't think of a single thing to say to you to brighten your days other than that.)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-07 03:23 pm (UTC)YOU PLAYED MAGIC! LOL Hearing that would make my day anytime. You know, if you were ever interested, I could try easing you back into it... And it's not so much that creature's can't band anymore... Well, if you're ever interested, we could just say that Magic is my version of "Silent Hill 2" or "Unreal Tournament" or something, yes?
-poke- You're not ineffectual. It's mostly... Well, I think we can all tell I don't like being alone, however I perceive it at the time. It doesn't take much, really - a simple 'Hello' before running off to homework or something. I'm reminded of a short conversation with my dad:
Dad - Oh, that's easy.
Me - Dad, I realize it's easy, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't know how to do it.
When I fall, I may fall deep, but it takes little enough to pull me out again.