(no subject)

[jackofallgeeks]

Why can't things be fucking simple, just once?
Well, in my head they aren't simple, and that's what matters.
The reality of the situation is probably much less dire than I think.

I love Claire. I wish I was still with her. I'd do anything to make it work with us.
But - I don't know it there IS anything I can do.
What if she really doesn't want me? For whatever reason.
What if it would mean changing who I am? i don't think I can do that.
I can't even say I love her, because I'm afraid she doesn't want to hear it.
I'm always afraid people don't want my affection.
And if I have such trouble telling people GOOD things, imagine how hard it is for me to tell someone something bad.
Heh, and you all thought I was so apt to confromtations.

Lord, I miss her...

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I, for one, have never thought you particularly good at confrontation. Debate perhaps, but the differences in meaning should be obvious to you there. ^__-

All I can offer you right now is my love and support...and the advice that I think you really should try to convey your feelings to her somehow. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy with them - and you really do never know whether or not she wants to hear it until you chance it.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

<light>
The differences are never obvious, and even if they were, I'm often times oblivious. I think I see your point, but I would be interested in hearing your precise definition of 'confrontation,' and further why you wouldn't think I've ever been good at it. It seems to me that, perhaps, it carries a negative connotation for you that I'm missing.
</light>

<dark>
I know it'll drive me crazy, and I have expressed my feelings... or I think I have... And that's the worst part. What if she DOESN'T want to be hearing it? How do I know I'm not getting that tight-lipped smile that says 'when will he just give up?' I have every intention of 'confronting' her with my feelings when we meet next weekend, but still... What does it even matter? So I love her, so what? Haven't we already been down that road?
</dark>

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I was under the impression that, in the case above, you were using "confrontation" to mean something like a hostile face-to-face clash. Although really it can range in meaning from that to something as light as a discord between opposing ideas or opinions. Was I wrong about the way you were using it?

To explain (and you'll have to bear with my above thoughts on your intended meaning, I'm afraid, even if they're inaccurate) what I mean by "never thought you were particularly good at confrontation", you'll have to remember that I've never seen you in a confrontation, but everything I've ever gathered from you and what you've told me says you don't like them. I think people are, on the whole, uncomfortable and therefore, probably not very good at things they don't like. On the other hand, I have seen you at minor debates, and I have developed the opinion that you are rather good at them. I hope that made some sense.

Even if you have been down that road before, you love her, and therefore, it is worth it to try again. When she tells you to leave off, then leave off, otherwise, there's always hope (Hell, sometimes even after they say "leave off" they don't always really mean it...). Maybe I'm just a hopeful romantic, though...