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Dec. 2nd, 2002 12:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksHave you ever been at the point where you just question EVERYTHING that you are? There are some days where I sit and I think to myself, "I wish I wasn't Catholic." Because then, maybe, I could be with Claire.
Yeah, I know. I'm over the break-up. For the most part.
I'm not as upset about it as I used to be, and Rachel and I had a loverly time reminising over some great times I had with Claire. And Claire and I got along great at Nekocon, and she even said she was looking forward to seeing me in a couple weeks.
But... I haven't talked to her in a while, and I always get down when I feel disconnected from people. and there's that frustration of 'knowing' that she and I can never be together. And the doubt of my own emotions, or motivations, or whatever...
Rachel informed me, over the week, that a priest she knew said it was not actually an obligation for Catholics to raise their children in the faith. It's suggested, yes, but religion really shouldn't be something that divides the family. This is something I will have to do much research and asking around about this. Not that I don't trust Rachel or her Priest, but because it is always hardest to convince yourself of something you want to be true.
It of course occured to me that, as with the marriage itself, Protestant is very close to Catholic - some might as well BE Catholic, pretty much. And if I were not morally obligated to raise my children Catholic... well, as far as I can tell, that may remove the major problems which, well, split us.
Two problems remain, once I've convinced myself of this alleged fact. Firstly, I must find out if it matters. If it matters to her and if it matter to me. As far as Claire goes, would she WANT me back, if things were different? are those even the reasons why we broke up, from her point of view? What if she's happy enough with the way things are? As for me... So what if i'm not morally obligated to raise Catholic children. What if that's what I want? What if, as opposed to what I once thought, it's not an issue of needing a Catholic family so much as wanting one.
The first problem leads into the second problem - am I being selfish? Or perhaps, which option is the more selfish? Is it selfish of me to seek out someone I don't I need not compromise so much for? Is it selfish of me to pursue Claire, even if, maybe, it means trying to be something i'm not? I don't want to be selfish, and least of all do I want to mess her up because I got some idea in my head. If she's fine with her lot, she doesn't need me throwing a wrench into it with my what-ifs.
"I can't just change everything about myself in some selfish bid to be with her."
Yeah, I know. I'm over the break-up. For the most part.
I'm not as upset about it as I used to be, and Rachel and I had a loverly time reminising over some great times I had with Claire. And Claire and I got along great at Nekocon, and she even said she was looking forward to seeing me in a couple weeks.
But... I haven't talked to her in a while, and I always get down when I feel disconnected from people. and there's that frustration of 'knowing' that she and I can never be together. And the doubt of my own emotions, or motivations, or whatever...
Rachel informed me, over the week, that a priest she knew said it was not actually an obligation for Catholics to raise their children in the faith. It's suggested, yes, but religion really shouldn't be something that divides the family. This is something I will have to do much research and asking around about this. Not that I don't trust Rachel or her Priest, but because it is always hardest to convince yourself of something you want to be true.
It of course occured to me that, as with the marriage itself, Protestant is very close to Catholic - some might as well BE Catholic, pretty much. And if I were not morally obligated to raise my children Catholic... well, as far as I can tell, that may remove the major problems which, well, split us.
Two problems remain, once I've convinced myself of this alleged fact. Firstly, I must find out if it matters. If it matters to her and if it matter to me. As far as Claire goes, would she WANT me back, if things were different? are those even the reasons why we broke up, from her point of view? What if she's happy enough with the way things are? As for me... So what if i'm not morally obligated to raise Catholic children. What if that's what I want? What if, as opposed to what I once thought, it's not an issue of needing a Catholic family so much as wanting one.
The first problem leads into the second problem - am I being selfish? Or perhaps, which option is the more selfish? Is it selfish of me to seek out someone I don't I need not compromise so much for? Is it selfish of me to pursue Claire, even if, maybe, it means trying to be something i'm not? I don't want to be selfish, and least of all do I want to mess her up because I got some idea in my head. If she's fine with her lot, she doesn't need me throwing a wrench into it with my what-ifs.
"I can't just change everything about myself in some selfish bid to be with her."
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 10:30 am (UTC)Remember Phil? He stopped talking to me for awhile when he found out that I was a Christian. And it's been daunting to many of my other friends to find out that I have a relationship with God. Christianity has been something of a stumbling block for me, and people have had to look past it to see who I am, and in some cases, learn that not all people who profess to love God are "bad" (I assume they mean persecutionary).
I know this doesn't tie in directly with what you're talking about, but...I guess I'm just trying to say that I know where you're coming from, kinda.
I guess you have to decide for yourself what to do in this case. Maybe you could talk to Claire about it. But nobody can tell you whether or not you should or shouldn't raise a family Catholic if that's the way you feel your children would best be brought up. The only thing is, your wife has to have a say in it as well, and if Claire's the woman you want as your wife...well...it speaks for itself.
Good luck, love.