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jackofallgeeksIt gets the worst at times like these.
I crawl into bed, my body praising me for the relief.
I pull the comforter up around me,
and put my arm around my blanket - the soft, fuzzy blue one
mom got me last year - and imagine she's next to me.
There's nothing better to do on a rainy day thean cuddle with someone you love.
Nothing.
Of course, when I say 'she' I refer to her, but it doesn't have to be anyone in particular.
Just someone who would let me.
::Shakes head:: That's such a big thing for me, I don't know if I can even explain. I mean, it's easy to love someone - I feel a great deal of the time that I'm just bursting with affection waiting for an outlet. Maybe that's what girls recognize that makes them say 'oh, he's such a sweet guy.' I'm just waiting for someone to accept my affection. I just want someone to love.
Looking back, that's one of the strongest argument's for Claire. The night we met, she and I ended up on a couch in the lobby, and she let me put my arms around her, and burry my head in her shoulder, and she stroked my head... She allowed me to be affectionate. Even now, it's my deepest need - to be affectionate. And over the weekend, she let me. It was different, at times, when I didn't quite feel affection from her, but affection comming back truely only makes it sweeter - I was more than content that she would let me hold her hand and put my arms around her.
I can't say that my life has been void of affection - I would have no argument. I come from a very open, loving family (though I would contest quitew a number of those here may well know me better than my family does, that's a different subject). The problem, I think, is having that outlet for physical affection. And I can't say it's completely selfless - just as I couldn't cuddle with my sister for as weird it would be, there ARE girls I know who I couldn't cuddle with for similar reasons. And even those who I would feel comfortable with, there's that whole 'taboo' stage of not knowing what's acceptable. My biggest gripe with friendships these days is that people don't TOUCH enough. No one hugs, no one cuddles - it's innocent stuff, people, but it's all relegated to 'meaningful' relationships.
It's rather sickening, how society kills affection and promotes raw sex. It's killing us, if you think about it. It leads to meaningless relationships (even among friends, because you're not 'allowed' to offer the support I dare say we all need) and even MORE meaningless sex, because it becomes so selfish, so much 'I need to feel better' sex, sex only because it feels good.
I don't want that. I don't want to fall to that level. It's an alluring lie, the idea that sex will make things better. But it won't. It'll just open up a whoile package of things that i don't need to deal with - ever. Yet, much as I know it isn't what I want... You know?
Don't get me wrong, please. I like being a virgin, and I have every intention of remaining so until I'm married - because then I'm sure it will mean something.
>_< Not that I really have any choice in the matter, though...
I crawl into bed, my body praising me for the relief.
I pull the comforter up around me,
and put my arm around my blanket - the soft, fuzzy blue one
mom got me last year - and imagine she's next to me.
There's nothing better to do on a rainy day thean cuddle with someone you love.
Nothing.
Of course, when I say 'she' I refer to her, but it doesn't have to be anyone in particular.
Just someone who would let me.
::Shakes head:: That's such a big thing for me, I don't know if I can even explain. I mean, it's easy to love someone - I feel a great deal of the time that I'm just bursting with affection waiting for an outlet. Maybe that's what girls recognize that makes them say 'oh, he's such a sweet guy.' I'm just waiting for someone to accept my affection. I just want someone to love.
Looking back, that's one of the strongest argument's for Claire. The night we met, she and I ended up on a couch in the lobby, and she let me put my arms around her, and burry my head in her shoulder, and she stroked my head... She allowed me to be affectionate. Even now, it's my deepest need - to be affectionate. And over the weekend, she let me. It was different, at times, when I didn't quite feel affection from her, but affection comming back truely only makes it sweeter - I was more than content that she would let me hold her hand and put my arms around her.
I can't say that my life has been void of affection - I would have no argument. I come from a very open, loving family (though I would contest quitew a number of those here may well know me better than my family does, that's a different subject). The problem, I think, is having that outlet for physical affection. And I can't say it's completely selfless - just as I couldn't cuddle with my sister for as weird it would be, there ARE girls I know who I couldn't cuddle with for similar reasons. And even those who I would feel comfortable with, there's that whole 'taboo' stage of not knowing what's acceptable. My biggest gripe with friendships these days is that people don't TOUCH enough. No one hugs, no one cuddles - it's innocent stuff, people, but it's all relegated to 'meaningful' relationships.
It's rather sickening, how society kills affection and promotes raw sex. It's killing us, if you think about it. It leads to meaningless relationships (even among friends, because you're not 'allowed' to offer the support I dare say we all need) and even MORE meaningless sex, because it becomes so selfish, so much 'I need to feel better' sex, sex only because it feels good.
I don't want that. I don't want to fall to that level. It's an alluring lie, the idea that sex will make things better. But it won't. It'll just open up a whoile package of things that i don't need to deal with - ever. Yet, much as I know it isn't what I want... You know?
Don't get me wrong, please. I like being a virgin, and I have every intention of remaining so until I'm married - because then I'm sure it will mean something.
>_< Not that I really have any choice in the matter, though...
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::shakes head:: ... well, i know it's not quite the same, but for what it's worth, the virtual me is snugglin' up to ya with the new down comforter and we're so COMPLETELY going to watch a movie. you pick first -- ^__~
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Date: 2002-11-16 09:35 pm (UTC)*biiimu* I'm going to blush and grin-stupidly just from the thought of snuggling up with you in a down comforter. ^_^ It may not be the same, no, but it does mean alot to me, Mel. Thank you.
And we will SO watch the movies. We will watch such movies as have never been watched before!