Drama.vir may still crash Highschool v2.0
Oct. 10th, 2002 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksTrevor and Rose broke up. It happened a few days ago, they were talking and came to the general concensus that they needed time apart - that they were getting too centered on each other and needed to figure their lives out. Personally, I think it was a healthy choice, and have been anticipating it all year. They 'broke up' two or three times last year, but never for very long. As such, and due in part to the reasonableness and maturity this seemed to be carried out with, I thought it was really a good thing, for the both of them.
Ah, but were things so simple.
The first night was rough. trevor was upset over the break-up, and I can totally relate to how he was feeling. He felt like he'd lost his best friend, and that, yeah, they say they're still friends, but he's afraid they can't talk the way they used to.
She was the one who he went to with his troubles. But where can he turn when the trouble is with her?
Like I said, I can understand exactly where he was comming from, and I told him what I thought - they need the time off; it'll be good for the both of them. And I told him how I fail to see WHY he couldn't talk with her. I mean... He still likes her, she still likes him, so why can they not speak as they once did? It doesn't make any sense to me, and I told him as much. And so we talked, and I thought worked things out.
The next morning, he went and spoke to Rose, and said that he agrees they need a break, but he didn't want a long break - Columbus weekend, and that's all. Rose 9who I'd spoken to earlier, as well) stood firm that she needed time, be it one weekend or several months. And It seems to me they came to an agreement that they would be apart until a time when Rose was ready. And Rose was happy with that because it's what she wanted in the first place - freedom, really. Freedom to go out with the girls, or to a club or bar, and not have to worry about, well, anything. And so all was good.
Until that evening, that is. Trevor and I were in our room, frantically clicking away on our kybards as is typical for us at Midnight. Out of no where, the phone rings, I pick it up (as it's on my desk, anyways), and it's Rose. practically on the verge of tears, she says Trevor's IMing her, and she's really upset, and he's just really hurting her. I try to direct the conversation as well as I can without giving away the speaker (as Rose didn't want him to get mad) and so we agreed to meet by her building. Getting off the phone, Trevor asks me if that had been Rose...
Now, here's where I had a decision, and I believe I decided poorly. First off, Rose did not want Trevor to know it had been her. Secondly, regardless of the question asked, I was sure Trevor did not want to hear that it had been Rose. Thirdly, regardless of who calls and why, if it's for me and not him, I don't feel it's really any of his busness who called. And so, I tall him it wasn't. Finding the lie somewhere, he calls me a "fucking liar" as I head for the door and - just as I'm exiting - Rose's voice comes up on the answering machine, almost crying and appologing for lying and saying she didn't want him to get upset. As her voice cuts off - and finding myself securely caught in a lie - I make an off-handed comment of "Ah, young love" and leave as he curses me again. It's a defense mechanism.
that was my poor choice, my failing for the night. I met Rose half-way to CV, literally bawling, and so I try to calm her down. She asks if I have my keys, and if we can just drive somewhere, and as I'd grabbed my bag, I did have said keys and we got in the car and went off.
So Rose and I talked for two hours and we make a round trip of the Beltway. I tried calming her down. Apparently, she had earlier asked Trevor if he'd cheated on her, because recently he had been pulling away from her, and she was scared. I can see where he might get mad - it seems a lack of trust that she would think such a thing. but at the same time - did he expect her to think he's perfect? He's human, and so is she, and she got scared. I can compeletly relate to that as well, and all that she'd done is try talking to him, the way she might talk about any other problem she was having. And he got mad, really mad, at her.
She was just trying to bring him her troubles, and he got mad.
I told her she'd done nothing wrong, and I highly respect her for, I don't know, doing what I think was the best and just expressing herself to him. We talked about alot of things, but in the end it was basically that he was getting mad for no firm reason and was simply tormenting himself. Having sufficently calmed my freind, we came back to Campus.
I arrived at my room to find it empty. As it was now 2:00, I IMed Trevor to make my argument and to try and explain to him where things stand with me. Hopefully I did so in a way that was not offensive - I admitted my poor choice, but defended Rose. I got in bed, just in time for Trevor to come in the door. As I had made my argument, I pretended to be asleep, and that was that.
This morning, we didn't speak. I IMed him a request for cease fire, but he didn't respond. He left early for class. We still haven't spoken.
Ah, but were things so simple.
The first night was rough. trevor was upset over the break-up, and I can totally relate to how he was feeling. He felt like he'd lost his best friend, and that, yeah, they say they're still friends, but he's afraid they can't talk the way they used to.
She was the one who he went to with his troubles. But where can he turn when the trouble is with her?
Like I said, I can understand exactly where he was comming from, and I told him what I thought - they need the time off; it'll be good for the both of them. And I told him how I fail to see WHY he couldn't talk with her. I mean... He still likes her, she still likes him, so why can they not speak as they once did? It doesn't make any sense to me, and I told him as much. And so we talked, and I thought worked things out.
The next morning, he went and spoke to Rose, and said that he agrees they need a break, but he didn't want a long break - Columbus weekend, and that's all. Rose 9who I'd spoken to earlier, as well) stood firm that she needed time, be it one weekend or several months. And It seems to me they came to an agreement that they would be apart until a time when Rose was ready. And Rose was happy with that because it's what she wanted in the first place - freedom, really. Freedom to go out with the girls, or to a club or bar, and not have to worry about, well, anything. And so all was good.
Until that evening, that is. Trevor and I were in our room, frantically clicking away on our kybards as is typical for us at Midnight. Out of no where, the phone rings, I pick it up (as it's on my desk, anyways), and it's Rose. practically on the verge of tears, she says Trevor's IMing her, and she's really upset, and he's just really hurting her. I try to direct the conversation as well as I can without giving away the speaker (as Rose didn't want him to get mad) and so we agreed to meet by her building. Getting off the phone, Trevor asks me if that had been Rose...
Now, here's where I had a decision, and I believe I decided poorly. First off, Rose did not want Trevor to know it had been her. Secondly, regardless of the question asked, I was sure Trevor did not want to hear that it had been Rose. Thirdly, regardless of who calls and why, if it's for me and not him, I don't feel it's really any of his busness who called. And so, I tall him it wasn't. Finding the lie somewhere, he calls me a "fucking liar" as I head for the door and - just as I'm exiting - Rose's voice comes up on the answering machine, almost crying and appologing for lying and saying she didn't want him to get upset. As her voice cuts off - and finding myself securely caught in a lie - I make an off-handed comment of "Ah, young love" and leave as he curses me again. It's a defense mechanism.
that was my poor choice, my failing for the night. I met Rose half-way to CV, literally bawling, and so I try to calm her down. She asks if I have my keys, and if we can just drive somewhere, and as I'd grabbed my bag, I did have said keys and we got in the car and went off.
So Rose and I talked for two hours and we make a round trip of the Beltway. I tried calming her down. Apparently, she had earlier asked Trevor if he'd cheated on her, because recently he had been pulling away from her, and she was scared. I can see where he might get mad - it seems a lack of trust that she would think such a thing. but at the same time - did he expect her to think he's perfect? He's human, and so is she, and she got scared. I can compeletly relate to that as well, and all that she'd done is try talking to him, the way she might talk about any other problem she was having. And he got mad, really mad, at her.
She was just trying to bring him her troubles, and he got mad.
I told her she'd done nothing wrong, and I highly respect her for, I don't know, doing what I think was the best and just expressing herself to him. We talked about alot of things, but in the end it was basically that he was getting mad for no firm reason and was simply tormenting himself. Having sufficently calmed my freind, we came back to Campus.
I arrived at my room to find it empty. As it was now 2:00, I IMed Trevor to make my argument and to try and explain to him where things stand with me. Hopefully I did so in a way that was not offensive - I admitted my poor choice, but defended Rose. I got in bed, just in time for Trevor to come in the door. As I had made my argument, I pretended to be asleep, and that was that.
This morning, we didn't speak. I IMed him a request for cease fire, but he didn't respond. He left early for class. We still haven't spoken.
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no subject
Date: 2002-10-10 09:50 pm (UTC)While I believe your "Ah, young love" comment may have been a little inappropriate, I don't really think what you did was wrong, per se. I mean, I'm an advocate of the truth, but I'm also an advocate of the Hippocratic Oath.
I hope things get better between you and Trevor. If you've apologized for hurting him, he should at least make an attempt to forgive you and work things out. Until then, ::hugs:: bear up, bakabakashii.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-10 10:17 pm (UTC)As for my comment - you, it was very off hand, and likely quit inappropriate. What can I say, after being called a 'fucking liar,' I suppose I had a little venom myself. It was meant to cut. Humor, fittingly enough I suppose, has always been my defense mechanism, and sarcasm is humor in it's sharpest form.
I do agree with your meaning in supporting the Hippocratic Oath - first, do no harm. It seems at times that that is often at odds with The Truth, and I haven't quite figured out which should take precedence and when.
As for working things out with Trevor - they're on their way. We've said several words, and almost full sentences, to each other this evening. He's right now out speaking with Rose. I hold no ill will toward him, and I'm sure it's just a matter of us cooling off and settling down. By next week, it'll have all blown over.
I'm really not hurting over this. If I'm cut for the sake of a friend, it only strengthens my resolve. In all of this, I'm just rather fed up with the whole Drama aspect, the uselessness of it all, and how unnecessary it all is.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-11 11:18 am (UTC)I don't suppose you remember a few months ago when I posted something about a dream I had in which I had a conversation with a guy I've never met about the nature of truth? The one in which it was told to me by my subconscious that I cannot be a champion of both honesty and kindness, because there is nothing kind whatsoever about the truth? I've started to think in those terms, kind of. I still believe in truth and honesty, but not to the point where they could cause injury. Truth can bring a lot pain and unhappiness. People can live their whole lives very cheerfully under a lie.
And yet...lies can hurt a lot, too...so I guess it is up to your own discretion to decide on "A lie...the truth...which one shall I use?"