OK Peoples, I'm Getting Upset
Jan. 30th, 2002 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofallgeeksOK, let me see if I can explain this. I really don't think I can, seeing none of you know the full story, and I'm begining to doubt wether or not I do.
Me and Emily were good friends, or at least that's how I took it. I saw her at Band, I saw her at Youth Group, and I saw her at Young Fire. Me and her were together three to five days a week, and it was all good. We hung out well enough, she let me hug her, and on occation I held her (for those of you who don't know, holding a girl is a big thing for me) - and we were friends. I always considered her one of my good friends, and we all know that I care about her.
When I moved to Washington State, it sucked because I was leaving Emily, and I wouldn't see her like I used to - I wouldn't see her ever. I sent her a letter so that I could keep in touch with her - I desperately didn't want to lose touch with her the way I always lose touch with friends when I move. And she wrote me back, actual letters with actual content, and not only that, but by odd chance her letters would always reach me when I had hit a large emotional trough. She wrote to me aboutr her life, the good ands the bad, and told me things she said she hadn't told anyone else, including her best friend, Sarah. It was really wonderful, and along with my friend Oli, her letters kept me grounded durring those six months, even if there were only three that ever came. It meant alot to me, and she was very friendly, just the way we had been when I lived there.
Over the summer, I stayed with my sister under the assumption that I wanted to see my friends before going to College. I must admit that, without minimizing my other friends or anything that we did that summer, my true intent was to see Emily. I had convinced myself that I would take her out to dinner before I left for school.
The thing of it is, I had asked Emily to Prom one year and her father wouldn't let her. Rather, I was told to ask her father and I couldn't bring myself to do it. This time, I asked Emily if I could take her out to dinner, and of course she said to ask her dad. But I didn't leave it there - I wasn't about to even approach her dad with it unless she said she would be interested. So I asked her, and she said yeah, it would be nice. So I ask her dad one day weeks afterward (guy's gotta build up his nerve - if a man is the father of a girl I know, he intimidates me, end of story). And that's when I got the talk - they don't do the dating thing for a number of very valid reasons that I won't go into at this time. Suffice it to say that I agree with them and respect their choice, but it meant no dinner. However, that whoile summer, before and after asking (I asked late in the summer cause it takes me a long time to build up spine) I spent a great deal of time with her family, and they even considered me a 'family friend' which again means alot to me. And so, I left for school as a general friend of the family, and my affection for Emily was out in the open. I was more or less contented.
Then came the urge to writter some confounded tell-all letter, which I think...well, we woin't get into that. Suffice it to say I'm unhappy with that letter, to say the least. Why, one might ask? Partly because I haven't heard anything back. Not one word. Not even so much that she's recieved it. Skrew what she thinks of it, she hasn't so much as acknowledged it.
But, I went to Young Fire a couple weeks ago as you all know, and I saw her, and she was at the very least friendly. We even hugged and talked, and it was very good. I saw her family, and they still consider my a family friend, and Emily even told me - she TOLD me - that she would answer my e-mails, and so I was happy. Once again I could stay in touch with her.
So I went back to my dorm, and I wrote both her and Becky e-mails. And I got back into the routine of saying hi when I saw either of the twins online. I don't expect them to respond, not really, though it would be nice. One, before Young Fire, Emily did, and told me she would talk but she had alot of work. And it's true that they have alot of work.
I haven't heard anything back from either girl. They both got a letter from me over a year ago, and I won't believe they didn't recognize the address because my e-mail FLIPPING HAS MY LAST NAME IN IT. Not a word. I say Hi to them most every night, and they never respond. Tonight I said hi to Emily, as always, after missing Becky. I brought up the fact about the e-mail and Oli said I should confront Emily with it while I could, and it's sound advice. So I did, I asked her, quite naturally, if she'd gotten my e-mail.
She got off without a word.
And so now, for the first time even, I am actually angry with Emily. The only thing I hope for with all this attention is tio be friends with her. I don't expect anything else from Emily - I can accept that's not what she wants, at least not now, and maybe I haven't gottewn that fact across to her. The point is that I just want to be her friend, and she's, at least apparently, blowwing me off like a speck. If nothing else, it's immature, that she couldn't just SPEAK to me, and instead avoids me like this. At worst, it's cruel, for the same reasons only with a different design.
And most frustrating of all is this - I have no way to express my anger to the subject. She apparently won't read my e-mail, she hasn't responded to my snail-mail, and I know they don't answer their phone (telemarketers). So what do I have to do but sit here and stew in my own smoldering juices. I could break something.
Me and Emily were good friends, or at least that's how I took it. I saw her at Band, I saw her at Youth Group, and I saw her at Young Fire. Me and her were together three to five days a week, and it was all good. We hung out well enough, she let me hug her, and on occation I held her (for those of you who don't know, holding a girl is a big thing for me) - and we were friends. I always considered her one of my good friends, and we all know that I care about her.
When I moved to Washington State, it sucked because I was leaving Emily, and I wouldn't see her like I used to - I wouldn't see her ever. I sent her a letter so that I could keep in touch with her - I desperately didn't want to lose touch with her the way I always lose touch with friends when I move. And she wrote me back, actual letters with actual content, and not only that, but by odd chance her letters would always reach me when I had hit a large emotional trough. She wrote to me aboutr her life, the good ands the bad, and told me things she said she hadn't told anyone else, including her best friend, Sarah. It was really wonderful, and along with my friend Oli, her letters kept me grounded durring those six months, even if there were only three that ever came. It meant alot to me, and she was very friendly, just the way we had been when I lived there.
Over the summer, I stayed with my sister under the assumption that I wanted to see my friends before going to College. I must admit that, without minimizing my other friends or anything that we did that summer, my true intent was to see Emily. I had convinced myself that I would take her out to dinner before I left for school.
The thing of it is, I had asked Emily to Prom one year and her father wouldn't let her. Rather, I was told to ask her father and I couldn't bring myself to do it. This time, I asked Emily if I could take her out to dinner, and of course she said to ask her dad. But I didn't leave it there - I wasn't about to even approach her dad with it unless she said she would be interested. So I asked her, and she said yeah, it would be nice. So I ask her dad one day weeks afterward (guy's gotta build up his nerve - if a man is the father of a girl I know, he intimidates me, end of story). And that's when I got the talk - they don't do the dating thing for a number of very valid reasons that I won't go into at this time. Suffice it to say that I agree with them and respect their choice, but it meant no dinner. However, that whoile summer, before and after asking (I asked late in the summer cause it takes me a long time to build up spine) I spent a great deal of time with her family, and they even considered me a 'family friend' which again means alot to me. And so, I left for school as a general friend of the family, and my affection for Emily was out in the open. I was more or less contented.
Then came the urge to writter some confounded tell-all letter, which I think...well, we woin't get into that. Suffice it to say I'm unhappy with that letter, to say the least. Why, one might ask? Partly because I haven't heard anything back. Not one word. Not even so much that she's recieved it. Skrew what she thinks of it, she hasn't so much as acknowledged it.
But, I went to Young Fire a couple weeks ago as you all know, and I saw her, and she was at the very least friendly. We even hugged and talked, and it was very good. I saw her family, and they still consider my a family friend, and Emily even told me - she TOLD me - that she would answer my e-mails, and so I was happy. Once again I could stay in touch with her.
So I went back to my dorm, and I wrote both her and Becky e-mails. And I got back into the routine of saying hi when I saw either of the twins online. I don't expect them to respond, not really, though it would be nice. One, before Young Fire, Emily did, and told me she would talk but she had alot of work. And it's true that they have alot of work.
I haven't heard anything back from either girl. They both got a letter from me over a year ago, and I won't believe they didn't recognize the address because my e-mail FLIPPING HAS MY LAST NAME IN IT. Not a word. I say Hi to them most every night, and they never respond. Tonight I said hi to Emily, as always, after missing Becky. I brought up the fact about the e-mail and Oli said I should confront Emily with it while I could, and it's sound advice. So I did, I asked her, quite naturally, if she'd gotten my e-mail.
She got off without a word.
And so now, for the first time even, I am actually angry with Emily. The only thing I hope for with all this attention is tio be friends with her. I don't expect anything else from Emily - I can accept that's not what she wants, at least not now, and maybe I haven't gottewn that fact across to her. The point is that I just want to be her friend, and she's, at least apparently, blowwing me off like a speck. If nothing else, it's immature, that she couldn't just SPEAK to me, and instead avoids me like this. At worst, it's cruel, for the same reasons only with a different design.
And most frustrating of all is this - I have no way to express my anger to the subject. She apparently won't read my e-mail, she hasn't responded to my snail-mail, and I know they don't answer their phone (telemarketers). So what do I have to do but sit here and stew in my own smoldering juices. I could break something.
