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Sep. 12th, 2005 01:37 amSomething reminded me today of the whole Suzannah bit. This time, it was VNV Nation's Rubicon; a very good song, by the by. Anyways, it got me a bit emotional for a bit (anger and confusion being the prime emotions), but I'm over it. Before you call me on obsessing or tell me to 'let it go,' note two things:
(1) I'm dealing with this, and reasonably well if I say so myself. There's a lot for me to process, and things take time. I was destroyed for nearly a year after I broke up with Claire; this isn't nearly on that scale or level.
(2) This is my journal. It's where I go to vent, and I rarely have to vent except when things are bugging me. As well as I may be handling this, I have to admit it's no small thing, and it is bugging me. I haven't been sleeping well, and my appetite is down, and I don't think it's all just due to my California move. Everything will sound worse than it is when I vent it here.
I know most of you know all that, but I wanted to set it down at least as much to admit it to myself as to remind you all.
I had more to say, I think, but none of it's making sense. I'm running on about 10 hours of sleep in two days, which isn't too bad, but I leave for the airport in about... four hours. So I'm not my most lucid. Have some ( Lyrics ).
(emphasis mine)
I guess there's one thing I can be glad of, though: it could have been worse. It would have been so much more painful if she'd not told me, if she'd just ignored me and waited for things to resolve themselves. It would have been a lot harder to watch the friendship I thought we had wither and die from neglect despite my best efforts.
(1) I'm dealing with this, and reasonably well if I say so myself. There's a lot for me to process, and things take time. I was destroyed for nearly a year after I broke up with Claire; this isn't nearly on that scale or level.
(2) This is my journal. It's where I go to vent, and I rarely have to vent except when things are bugging me. As well as I may be handling this, I have to admit it's no small thing, and it is bugging me. I haven't been sleeping well, and my appetite is down, and I don't think it's all just due to my California move. Everything will sound worse than it is when I vent it here.
I know most of you know all that, but I wanted to set it down at least as much to admit it to myself as to remind you all.
I had more to say, I think, but none of it's making sense. I'm running on about 10 hours of sleep in two days, which isn't too bad, but I leave for the airport in about... four hours. So I'm not my most lucid. Have some ( Lyrics ).
(emphasis mine)
I guess there's one thing I can be glad of, though: it could have been worse. It would have been so much more painful if she'd not told me, if she'd just ignored me and waited for things to resolve themselves. It would have been a lot harder to watch the friendship I thought we had wither and die from neglect despite my best efforts.
