On The Sea

She sat out on the rocky bluff high above the crashing waves of the ocean below. Cool morning mist and sharp sea-spray swirled around her as the waters below performed their strange dance. Salty drops clung to the edges of her eyes. She laid back on the smooth limestone, staring up into the low-hanging grey-blue sky. The clouds hung there hardly moving, as if the sky had been frozen in some stoney relief of the sea below. Her bike lay on the grass a few yards away. She closed her eyes, and memories of the other night poured in, overcoming her defenses. He had a nice house now, and a family. His wife was lovely, and his children had been a joy. She wrapped her arms around herself, thinking of how it had been to see him again. It was good that he was happy, she told herself. It was good that he was happy.

When You Assume

You Make An Ass Out Of You And Me

Whether or not it comes as a shock to any of you, I find it excruciatingly difficult to express myself, especially in as far as my feelings are concerned. I'd admit, I LIKE to, as I've since found that I take great pains to try and be understood. It can be quite frustrating at times, especially when there's no confirmation that anyone's listening.

I understand how busy people are, but I don't like feeling as though I'm being ignored. Perhaps a bit because of pride, but also because it takes so much effort for me to come out and SAY things. Case in point, ask Rachel about that 3am conversation we had so many years ago about Emily. I'm not being figurative when I say it hurts.

Maybe you'll remember (mabe you won't) that I'd sent a letter to Ms. Croft, likely in some half-crazed attempt to be understood. That was near the beginning of this journal, and, though I've spoken in passing with both sisters, I still haven't recieved any word from her either way on that damnable letter. It torments me to this day.

One of the things I struggle the hardest with is assumption. Assumption of anything, really. Unless you come out and ask point-blank (and get a straight answer, mind you) how can you be sure how another person percieves a given situation? I like to be optomistic and assume the best, but... well, if it's not as one assumes, it causes problems. And if one assumes the worst and it's not... you can't win. If you question, they think you doubt, and the two aren't the same thing...

I'm not making any sense... I just don't like... I can't stand a monologue. I need interaction.
I don't like feeling ignored.

The Nabokov Test (M)

( I don't know... )