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/who would have thought she'd become a Jedi Knight
The day goes by oh so slowly, and my Coke runs dry. Several times in the past week I've thought to write something magnificent in my journal - some naration or deep thought as per my old ways, before this cruel summer. Needless to say, that hasn't happened.
I have been doing alot of thinking, though. That is, I think I've been thinking. Right now I almost feel like I've been on autopilot - almost, cause I've still got a conciousness about me. I still feel like I'm swimming in some weird extra-dimentional swimming pool filled with cotton.
*blink blink* Yeah, I really do feel that odd.
This weekend we went to a Catholic Family Conference thingy up in Long Beach (I dubbed the whole thing RelCon - I'm such a weirdo). Anyways, it was...cool. It reminded me of those retreats I used t'go on in Highschool - or even that Freshman retreat last year. It was cool - the people there made me think. One guy, Father Ignatious - a large, bearded man with a New-Yorkan accent who we later learned had spent a good deal of his life as a Street Fighter in New York city - scared me and made me quite uncomfortable. I really rather liked him. Too bad we couldn't sit and chat one-on-one.
Anyways...I donno what I intended when I started this, but I guess what I wanted to say is...I'm Catholic, damn it. And there are things I believe in, things I know shouldn't be the way they are. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to end up just another Luke-warm Catholic like the rest of America, or worse yet, one of the ones who shone so brightly only to flicker and die after leaving home. I've spent quite a bit of this summer, and maybe even more than that, not just hiding what I believed, but almost running from it. And that's not me. I LIKED the me I became when I went to YOA. I liked the me who was Catholic, and damn what anyone else thought of it. And I don't want...anything that's going on right now to push me back in the box, close the door, and turn off the light.
^^;; Yeah, I sound like a fanatic, don't I. But, nothing's changing. I haven't been LYING to any of you - I'm still who I've always been, and I still relate to you all just as I ever have. But I want to be free to be who I AM and who I WANT to be and - no fault on you - but I don't want to be worrying anymore if someone doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I know you would all slowly die if you were told you couldn't be who you are. I want to stop telling myself that.
::Shrugs:: It probably doesn't make any sense. It'll probably seem quite pointless. But damn it, I'm Catholic. And I like that.
The day goes by oh so slowly, and my Coke runs dry. Several times in the past week I've thought to write something magnificent in my journal - some naration or deep thought as per my old ways, before this cruel summer. Needless to say, that hasn't happened.
I have been doing alot of thinking, though. That is, I think I've been thinking. Right now I almost feel like I've been on autopilot - almost, cause I've still got a conciousness about me. I still feel like I'm swimming in some weird extra-dimentional swimming pool filled with cotton.
*blink blink* Yeah, I really do feel that odd.
This weekend we went to a Catholic Family Conference thingy up in Long Beach (I dubbed the whole thing RelCon - I'm such a weirdo). Anyways, it was...cool. It reminded me of those retreats I used t'go on in Highschool - or even that Freshman retreat last year. It was cool - the people there made me think. One guy, Father Ignatious - a large, bearded man with a New-Yorkan accent who we later learned had spent a good deal of his life as a Street Fighter in New York city - scared me and made me quite uncomfortable. I really rather liked him. Too bad we couldn't sit and chat one-on-one.
Anyways...I donno what I intended when I started this, but I guess what I wanted to say is...I'm Catholic, damn it. And there are things I believe in, things I know shouldn't be the way they are. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to end up just another Luke-warm Catholic like the rest of America, or worse yet, one of the ones who shone so brightly only to flicker and die after leaving home. I've spent quite a bit of this summer, and maybe even more than that, not just hiding what I believed, but almost running from it. And that's not me. I LIKED the me I became when I went to YOA. I liked the me who was Catholic, and damn what anyone else thought of it. And I don't want...anything that's going on right now to push me back in the box, close the door, and turn off the light.
^^;; Yeah, I sound like a fanatic, don't I. But, nothing's changing. I haven't been LYING to any of you - I'm still who I've always been, and I still relate to you all just as I ever have. But I want to be free to be who I AM and who I WANT to be and - no fault on you - but I don't want to be worrying anymore if someone doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I know you would all slowly die if you were told you couldn't be who you are. I want to stop telling myself that.
::Shrugs:: It probably doesn't make any sense. It'll probably seem quite pointless. But damn it, I'm Catholic. And I like that.
