It's That Time Of The Month Again...

[jackofallgeeks]

I've been thinking too dam much these past couple of days. Not about anything in particular, rather, more like everything in general. My head feels like it's going to burst, and I end the day confused and disoriented. I feel like I want to hit something, or maybe break something is more appropriate. I think I should maybe invest in a punching bad. I wonder if I'd ever use it.

I think, maybe, it's not so much thinking, as I feel like I'm under alot of stress. I don't know that I AM under alot of stress, but I feel like I am. And, in a sense, isn't one just the other? It'd prolly be a mix of stresses, from work and school and Lord only knows what else.

I said that I hadn't been thinking about anything in particular, but I think I'd have to argue that. You know, like I was confusing myself, or misleading myself. You ever have that - where it feels like you're mind's trying to outsmart you? There is one thing that's rather been fraying my nerves recently, and it's the same thing that's been etching on my mind for weeks now: The Twins. I sent each of them a letter a few days ago, and I've seen each of them on and offline since. Still, no replies. i'm sure there's a reason, other than they hate me. I'm sure of it. But the reassurance is lacking. I saw Becky online while I was at work, and she'd been sitting there for a while, so I thought I might IM her, t'say "hi" and maybe talk. Sadly, just as I IMed her, she got off - not in response to the IM, mind you, just bad timing. But bad timing or not, it's still frustrating.

And it bugs me that I have to come off as such an annoying little bug to these two. I mean, I don't know that they find me annoying, and I rather hope they don't, but think about it. I desperately want to be friends with them, the way we used to be before I moved, but I never get a chance to talk with them. I'm dreadfully afraid of drifting apart from them, so I try to say hi whenever I can, you know, let them know I'm still here, I guess. But I must come off as some kind of a creep who's ALWAYS there to bother them. It's so frustrating and discouraging, because I don't want to be so (I guess pushy's a good word) pushy about it, but I'm afraid that if I let up, that'll be it, and they'll go the way of oh so many friends I've had in my life, you know?

*Sigh* One more day. One more flipping day, and then Claire will be here, and I can relax, and unwind, and be comfortable again.

I still want to hit something.

Comments

[daisysweet.livejournal.com]

Pillows. Get a good, firm pillow. They are good - for throwing at blank walls, stomping on them, hitting the stuffing out of them. I know this because I've done so a few different times in my life (mainly during my depression in order to distract myself and at the same time help me to overcome whatever was eating me alive). Amazingly enough, it does work. And it's a rather cheap alternative.

You'll make it one more day, of course, and things will get better and this will not be the most pressing thing in your mind this weekend. As for the stress... it sounds silly... but a large mug of tension tamer tea REALLY does the job. Add some honey and sugar and it's a great way to destress your mind, espevially before going to bed. I need at least one each day or I'm just a little beyond normal fatigue.

17 hours until departure v_v...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

Just don't hit any walls ok? You can break your wrist that way ^_^;;;... Go running, that always helps me...

HOW many people wanna kick some ass?

[surichan.livejournal.com]

Didn't we talk once about investing in a punching bag for you? While you were working at Hell's Bagels- erm, I mean, the Bagel Bakery (Hell makes a damn tasty bagel)? Either that, or find yourself a sparring class. Does Catholic have any martial arts groups or anything?

'Till then, I guess you've got your tried-and-true laying in the dark listening to dark music bit goin' for you, hm? Best of luck with it.

And you're not annoying. Or pushy. Cocky as hell sometimes, maybe, but annoying or pushy...never.