John Noble (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jackofallgeeks) wrote2002-08-05 03:07 pm
jackofallgeeks) wrote2002-08-05 03:07 pm
/They all knew she'd end up just another loser's girlfriend
/who would have thought she'd become a Jedi Knight
The day goes by oh so slowly, and my Coke runs dry. Several times in the past week I've thought to write something magnificent in my journal - some naration or deep thought as per my old ways, before this cruel summer. Needless to say, that hasn't happened.
I have been doing alot of thinking, though. That is, I think I've been thinking. Right now I almost feel like I've been on autopilot - almost, cause I've still got a conciousness about me. I still feel like I'm swimming in some weird extra-dimentional swimming pool filled with cotton.
*blink blink* Yeah, I really do feel that odd.
This weekend we went to a Catholic Family Conference thingy up in Long Beach (I dubbed the whole thing RelCon - I'm such a weirdo). Anyways, it was...cool. It reminded me of those retreats I used t'go on in Highschool - or even that Freshman retreat last year. It was cool - the people there made me think. One guy, Father Ignatious - a large, bearded man with a New-Yorkan accent who we later learned had spent a good deal of his life as a Street Fighter in New York city - scared me and made me quite uncomfortable. I really rather liked him. Too bad we couldn't sit and chat one-on-one.
Anyways...I donno what I intended when I started this, but I guess what I wanted to say is...I'm Catholic, damn it. And there are things I believe in, things I know shouldn't be the way they are. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to end up just another Luke-warm Catholic like the rest of America, or worse yet, one of the ones who shone so brightly only to flicker and die after leaving home. I've spent quite a bit of this summer, and maybe even more than that, not just hiding what I believed, but almost running from it. And that's not me. I LIKED the me I became when I went to YOA. I liked the me who was Catholic, and damn what anyone else thought of it. And I don't want...anything that's going on right now to push me back in the box, close the door, and turn off the light.
^^;; Yeah, I sound like a fanatic, don't I. But, nothing's changing. I haven't been LYING to any of you - I'm still who I've always been, and I still relate to you all just as I ever have. But I want to be free to be who I AM and who I WANT to be and - no fault on you - but I don't want to be worrying anymore if someone doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I know you would all slowly die if you were told you couldn't be who you are. I want to stop telling myself that.
::Shrugs:: It probably doesn't make any sense. It'll probably seem quite pointless. But damn it, I'm Catholic. And I like that.
The day goes by oh so slowly, and my Coke runs dry. Several times in the past week I've thought to write something magnificent in my journal - some naration or deep thought as per my old ways, before this cruel summer. Needless to say, that hasn't happened.
I have been doing alot of thinking, though. That is, I think I've been thinking. Right now I almost feel like I've been on autopilot - almost, cause I've still got a conciousness about me. I still feel like I'm swimming in some weird extra-dimentional swimming pool filled with cotton.
*blink blink* Yeah, I really do feel that odd.
This weekend we went to a Catholic Family Conference thingy up in Long Beach (I dubbed the whole thing RelCon - I'm such a weirdo). Anyways, it was...cool. It reminded me of those retreats I used t'go on in Highschool - or even that Freshman retreat last year. It was cool - the people there made me think. One guy, Father Ignatious - a large, bearded man with a New-Yorkan accent who we later learned had spent a good deal of his life as a Street Fighter in New York city - scared me and made me quite uncomfortable. I really rather liked him. Too bad we couldn't sit and chat one-on-one.
Anyways...I donno what I intended when I started this, but I guess what I wanted to say is...I'm Catholic, damn it. And there are things I believe in, things I know shouldn't be the way they are. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to end up just another Luke-warm Catholic like the rest of America, or worse yet, one of the ones who shone so brightly only to flicker and die after leaving home. I've spent quite a bit of this summer, and maybe even more than that, not just hiding what I believed, but almost running from it. And that's not me. I LIKED the me I became when I went to YOA. I liked the me who was Catholic, and damn what anyone else thought of it. And I don't want...anything that's going on right now to push me back in the box, close the door, and turn off the light.
^^;; Yeah, I sound like a fanatic, don't I. But, nothing's changing. I haven't been LYING to any of you - I'm still who I've always been, and I still relate to you all just as I ever have. But I want to be free to be who I AM and who I WANT to be and - no fault on you - but I don't want to be worrying anymore if someone doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I know you would all slowly die if you were told you couldn't be who you are. I want to stop telling myself that.
::Shrugs:: It probably doesn't make any sense. It'll probably seem quite pointless. But damn it, I'm Catholic. And I like that.
::applauds::
You know my many confusing thoughts and problems with religion. You know that I am one of the many lukewarm Catholics... even cold sometimes. You know that you and I can butt heads like nothing else in our ever so popular 2:00am conversations.
You know what else though? You being Catholic is a part of you that I love. When I first had issues with religion, you were the first person I thought of to talk to. You were the first person I did talk to. I love the fact that you are, and always have been, so dedicated to your faith. It is something that I can not find in myself, and admire greatly in others. I may never agree with what you have to say on certain things. You and I may always be at opposite ends of the religion pole. But that doesn't matter. I still always look for your opinion and your viewpoint. In a manner of speaking, by talking to someone who feels differently than I do, it's a way of making sure I really feel the way I do. ... if that makes any sense at all.
If everyone was exactly the same... wouldn't life be pretty damn boring?
Be yourself Andrew. It's the best you you can possibly be. It's the you that we all know and love. Even if we have different opinions or beliefs, I know I definately respect everything that you stand for.
::rereads:: ... hmmm... I hope that didn't sound to terribly like a pep talk... ::shrugs:: I'll live. ;-)