John Noble (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jackofallgeeks) wrote2008-03-10 08:59 am
jackofallgeeks) wrote2008-03-10 08:59 am
Entry tags:
Beating a Dead Horse
At the end of last week I made a post that sparked a little bit of LJ Drama;
some people felt hurt by my comments about other people, and I felt hurt by
their apparent inability to consider who was making those comments when
deciding their meaning.
In the aftermath a few third-party friends had some points to make about the
issue, and I kind of wanted to talk about that.
One of the main themes seemed to be, "this is your journal, you can say what
you want." I'll agree to that basic statement, but it was often paired with
the idea that I should be somehow above reproach on my Journal, that it's
unfair to question me here in my private realm. And that I disagree with.
This Journal is not meant for me except in the most basic sense: this
journal is here for you, my friends. It's here as a way that I can share my
life and my thoughts with you and, I hope, for you to get to know me
better. If I wanted a journal for myself, a private space of my own, I
wouldn't have it up here on the Internet; I'd have a word file on my
desktop, or an actual dead-tree journal. This is up here because I want to
share my thoughts with you all and, in particular, I want interaction from
you.
So, I don't think of this place as my own personal dictatorship, I don't
think I'm above reproach here. So why did I get upset when I got
reactions? A couple reasons, one particular and one general, neither one
terribly clear, I suppose. In particular, the responses I got, with a
couple exceptions (notably Erin, I think), neglected to take into account
that I was the one saying what was said. Worse, things were read into my
statements which I neither intended nor which fit who I am and who I expect
my friends to know me to be. One friend was shocked and angered that I
could be so cruel, and while I'll admit that I'm not always the most
sympathetic of people, I'm not cruel. I would hope that if my
friends found me saying or doing something out of character that they'd
question it rather than question me. Saying, "do you really mean to say X"
is different from saying, "I can't believe you would say X!"
In general, it was kind of disappointing to get the response on that post
compared to the responses on every other post I make. I understand that, in
all likelihood, no one out there cares much about my posts on Copyright, and
that's OK. And especially of late my posts of any particular substance have
been few and far between. But it's still disappointing to go for a couple
dozen posts without even a hint that anyone out there is reading, and then
to make what was (to me) an off-hand comment about my inability to
understand the slide into obesity, and not only to I get a (relative) flood
of commwnts (in frequency if not quantity), but it's almost all a negative
misinterpretation of what I meant.
It also seems to me that "letting oneself go" has more connotation than I
realized: my intent was just to say I don't understand how one gets there, I
didn't mean to imply that they didn't care, or were lazy, or somehow wanted
to be fat.
And as a final point: Mel, you erased your comment (again) before I could
reply, so I'll do so publicly here: you're about the same body-type as
Laurel or Amber and, with proportions taken into account, not dissimilar to
Erin. That having been said, even if I were to grant that you're overweight
(technically, I'm overweight) you are not what I would consider "fat," nor
do you come close to the objects of that post. In short, I can say "no,
you're not."
some people felt hurt by my comments about other people, and I felt hurt by
their apparent inability to consider who was making those comments when
deciding their meaning.
In the aftermath a few third-party friends had some points to make about the
issue, and I kind of wanted to talk about that.
One of the main themes seemed to be, "this is your journal, you can say what
you want." I'll agree to that basic statement, but it was often paired with
the idea that I should be somehow above reproach on my Journal, that it's
unfair to question me here in my private realm. And that I disagree with.
This Journal is not meant for me except in the most basic sense: this
journal is here for you, my friends. It's here as a way that I can share my
life and my thoughts with you and, I hope, for you to get to know me
better. If I wanted a journal for myself, a private space of my own, I
wouldn't have it up here on the Internet; I'd have a word file on my
desktop, or an actual dead-tree journal. This is up here because I want to
share my thoughts with you all and, in particular, I want interaction from
you.
So, I don't think of this place as my own personal dictatorship, I don't
think I'm above reproach here. So why did I get upset when I got
reactions? A couple reasons, one particular and one general, neither one
terribly clear, I suppose. In particular, the responses I got, with a
couple exceptions (notably Erin, I think), neglected to take into account
that I was the one saying what was said. Worse, things were read into my
statements which I neither intended nor which fit who I am and who I expect
my friends to know me to be. One friend was shocked and angered that I
could be so cruel, and while I'll admit that I'm not always the most
sympathetic of people, I'm not cruel. I would hope that if my
friends found me saying or doing something out of character that they'd
question it rather than question me. Saying, "do you really mean to say X"
is different from saying, "I can't believe you would say X!"
In general, it was kind of disappointing to get the response on that post
compared to the responses on every other post I make. I understand that, in
all likelihood, no one out there cares much about my posts on Copyright, and
that's OK. And especially of late my posts of any particular substance have
been few and far between. But it's still disappointing to go for a couple
dozen posts without even a hint that anyone out there is reading, and then
to make what was (to me) an off-hand comment about my inability to
understand the slide into obesity, and not only to I get a (relative) flood
of commwnts (in frequency if not quantity), but it's almost all a negative
misinterpretation of what I meant.
It also seems to me that "letting oneself go" has more connotation than I
realized: my intent was just to say I don't understand how one gets there, I
didn't mean to imply that they didn't care, or were lazy, or somehow wanted
to be fat.
And as a final point: Mel, you erased your comment (again) before I could
reply, so I'll do so publicly here: you're about the same body-type as
Laurel or Amber and, with proportions taken into account, not dissimilar to
Erin. That having been said, even if I were to grant that you're overweight
(technically, I'm overweight) you are not what I would consider "fat," nor
do you come close to the objects of that post. In short, I can say "no,
you're not."
no subject
I don't comment often, and didn't comment on the posts mentioned, but I do want you to know that I read. That's not the gist of your post here, but thought you'd want to know ...
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and it was part of the point of this post, so... *thumbs-up*
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Anyway, on a lighter note ... I'm fat AND I shop at Wal Mart, but you still keep me around!
:)
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(shhh...listen to fat!)
Oh, God, Jhonen, now is not the time!! >__<
Seriously, though, I can definitely understand weight sensitivity, having been there myself for years and years (and still fearing it in a subconscious sort of way) - but I...well, it's you, that's the main thing. And maybe I just know you really well, and you and I have had the wonderful experience of being able to be very blunt about our thoughts with one another, and know one or two "darker" things about the other's minds, so I already knew your take on this subject; therefore, it didn't shock me? I don't know.
It is your journal, and you should be able to speak (type) your mind. And given the public-ness of it, other people are probably going to speak theirs, and that's a good thing - but there's bound to be misunderstanding, as in any brand of human communication, and I'm sure this was just one of those cases. Your friends who reacted badly thought you were saying/implying/whathaveyou one thing, and you thought you meant something different. Hurt, anger, bad stuff on all sides. It happens all the time, unfortunately - and it's the mark of a solid friendship when you and your friends can get past the yuck and on to the business of good times again. I think that's all that really matters; overcoming the bad for the sake of what's undoubtedly very good indeed (I have over a decade of experience on the subject of being your friend - therefore I can proudly attest to the very good-ness).
In the spirit of that, is everything okay now?
no subject
twisted words
out of the printed pages of the related blog posts whiched caused so much drama and pain. Thought I'd share.