(no subject)

[jackofallgeeks]

It just hurts right now.
My heart aches, and I want nothing more than to curl up in bed and cry.
I miss her so very badly. And I don't know how to fix things. Because I really think that being like this got me where I am, being sad and scared and lonely, and so I'm afraid that admitting that I'm still sad and scared and lonely will just make things worse. I can't recover without talking about this, but I can't talk about this for fear of losing what little there is left. I don't want to be this way. I'm not this way; I'm self-assured, and confident, I'm a good man, a nice guy, a loyal and honest and loving friend. I can handle things. I can connect with people. People like me. I like me.

The most unattractive thing about you is the way you feel about [her].
She doesn't appreciate you.

I'm just sad and scared and lonely.

Comments

My poor table

[emily91183.livejournal.com]

I almost broke my dining room table pounding on it because I was so frustrated over your post. I told you - the longer you wait, the worse things are going to weigh on you. Don't you see that? *sigh*

And no, it wouldn't be the best time to talk to her when you are depressed and lonely and as down as you are now, but wasn't there a time in the past month or two when you were in a better mood and could have talked to her and made this madness stop? I do think you are a great person, nice to be around, but this weight is dragging you down. I fear for the day that you do talk to her, but I fear more that you never will.

Tell me if you want to talk again sometime.

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

I actually almost didn't post this because I knew it would make you upset. And that it'd probably make other friends upset, too, but I knew it would upset you, and I didn't want that. I considered locking you out of it, along with a couple other people, but that seemed to me to be too closed and almost-deceptive. And the really funny thing is, that's what's at the core of all of this, anyways. I can't stand that Suzannah and I aren't speaking, that I can't tell her how I'm feeling, because of her request for a break and because of my fear of losing what is left and because of any number of other reasons. I can't speak with her, and it physically hurts.

I always want to talk again sometime.

[emily91183.livejournal.com]

The thought that came to my mind is that you really have to think about a relationship where your inability to talk about what is hurting you is causing you more pain ...

*sigh*

I'm sorry, Andrew.