Email, Compact Discs, and Heartache

[jackofallgeeks]

So, in my most recent email, I gushed to Suzannah about Cruxshadows and how I would have had her listen to them, except I didn't expect she'd like them. So she writes back with a "-laughs- Give me a chance." So now I feel rather embarrassed and foolish. I go to burn her a CD of music that I consider my favorites... and come up with no less than 3 CDs' worth. and there are still songs I think she should hear, but I don't want to make a fourth CD.  ^_^;;  I'll give her these CDs on Thursday and ask her what she thinks.

In other news... I don't know. A couple days ago I would have said that I was overcome with apathy -- toward work, toward school, toward life in general, which includes Suzannah. But my sister came to visit and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to talk about more than Suzannah. we didn't, not really, but she was always at the front of my mind. And not but a couple hours ago I was talking with Anastasiya about Suzannah, and was hit with a slightly-more-than-mild bit of heartache. The whole, "I just want to love and be loved," thing. I want someone to come home to when the day is over. I want my suburban house, and my suburban family, and I'd even tolerate a suburban dog.

And, so, yeah... Now it's another day that it's after 4:00am, and I'm not tired. Well, not sleepy. i need to get back on something of a normal sleep cycle. Whatever it is I'm doing isn't working.

Does anybody feel the way I do? Is there anyone out there, are you hearing me? I believe in you, do you believe in me? Or am I alone in this hall of dreams?

Comments

[dikaiosunh.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to butt into your life, but... some of your talk about Suzannah reminds me of my completely dysfunctional approach to relationships back in the day (that's what I get for taking my impression of male-female interactions from Arthurian romances) - not to say that you're definitely on the wrong track or anything (I don't know nearly enough to say that), but enough to concern me that you may be setting yourself up for a fall.

I realize that S doesn't want a serious/romantic relationship *now*, and that you don't want to push it by asking "how about now?" every ten minutes... but have y'all at least had a clear chat about whether she sees potential in that direction, just not yet, or whether she just doesn't regard you as a romantic prospect? I only ask b/c it seems as if she might be merrily going along thinking that you're content, even long-term, with just a friendship. If you guys aren't on the same page on that issue, it could be a bad scene all around (and likely to be worse the longer it goes on).

Just my $.02. Please take it with a grain of salt, and coming from a benevolent place (even if it turns out to be misplaced).