I have one goal in life, and it's very difficult to do alone...

[jackofallgeeks]

I asked Suzannah 'out' in an official way tonight... Put simply, for me and her, dating isn't just for fun or companionship, friends supply that (in theory). Dating is preparation for marriage, ie, it's specifically directed toward the possibility of marriage.

Her answer: Not now.

Which is a perfectly reasonable answer for a practical girl who has a good two years of college before she graduates. She believes she's not yet in a position to consider marriage as a possibility, and I kind of have to agree with her. Even I have been having doubts about my own readiness, and I have but one year left, and I'm quite certain I want to be married... Still...

I would, of course, rather be told I'm too early than that I'm too late. She said that maybe if I were still interested at a later date that there might be a different answer. She also said she didn't want to hurt me, and that she still very much wanted to be friends. I want to be friends, too. I'd like to be more, but to be friends will suffice...

It's been a long time since I pulled 90mph on the highway. It's been a long time as well since I tasted salty tears. Rachel was there for me, as she always is. The pain will fade, and 'Not Now' is not a 'No.'

I'm tired. It's been a very exhaustive day.
I think I'll go to sleep.

Comments

[cohagen.livejournal.com]

Best of luck, Andrew. I'm glad to hear that you didn't take "not now" as a definite "no."
I suggest to take things one step at a time.

[timv.livejournal.com]

Hey buddy.

Love has a certain patience to it...a still, silent waiting. Externally distant. Internally fierce and writhing. There is a certain demonstration of love in the phrase, "wait."

You have an excellent intellectual outlook on the situation. You are right..."wait" is not "no" or "not you...never."

Love involves risk. If you care to risk your heart, you can, conceivably, continue to meet "as friends," while using that time to continue strengthening and deepening the relationship to the point where, when then time is right, her heart flowing into yours is a natural reaction.

I like you, dude :)

awwww....sweetie!

[xenu.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry :(

[dikaiosunh.livejournal.com]

Caveat to this comment: trying to argue someone into dating you almost never works. So that's not what I'm trying to say.

But it seems that even your moral perspective on dating needen't invest it with quite so much sturm und drang. Even if you think that 'casual' dating isn't where it's at, the reason that we have dating at all (and don't just skip straight to 'will you marry me?') is that it's hard to know whether or not you can make a life with someone if you don't spend at least a little time getting to know them on an (emotionally, not necessarily physically) intimate level. So it would seem that saying "yes" to a date need not be read as being tantamount to saying "yes" to a marriage proposal.

I guess the point is mostly that, yeah, you like this woman, and it sucks to be rejected... but perhaps you shouldn't regard it (as it sounds like you might be) as a derailment of a major life plan.

Uh... sorry. My consoling skills are limited to trying to put things in a different perspective.

[ex-orin917.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something hugely encouraging to say because I know where you're at. Alas, all I have to offer is this (if you don't have it already):

http://orin.gemdo.com/music/orin%20-%20dance%20of%20our%20hearts%20(piano%20version).mp3
http://orin.gemdo.com/music/orin%20-%20dance%20of%20our%20hearts.mp3

It was written when I was in a similar situation ("maybe in 5 years") several years ago. Admittedly there was more wisdom in that answer than I had at the time, but it still hurt like hell.

On a positive note (haha) we're still friends and very close.

[surichan.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that she didn't say yes...but you should be endlessly thankful that she didn't say "no" - or worse, beat around the bush with hmms and haws and maybes that would end up driving you far more mad than a request to wait awhile is going to.

You and I are both impatient people, and so trust me when I say that I know the waiting is gonna hurt...especially if you just keep waiting and waiting and nothing ever comes of it. Let's hope that doesn't happen; that someday soon she'll come back and say, "Now."