I have one goal in life, and it's very difficult to do alone...

[jackofallgeeks]

I asked Suzannah 'out' in an official way tonight... Put simply, for me and her, dating isn't just for fun or companionship, friends supply that (in theory). Dating is preparation for marriage, ie, it's specifically directed toward the possibility of marriage.

Her answer: Not now.

Which is a perfectly reasonable answer for a practical girl who has a good two years of college before she graduates. She believes she's not yet in a position to consider marriage as a possibility, and I kind of have to agree with her. Even I have been having doubts about my own readiness, and I have but one year left, and I'm quite certain I want to be married... Still...

I would, of course, rather be told I'm too early than that I'm too late. She said that maybe if I were still interested at a later date that there might be a different answer. She also said she didn't want to hurt me, and that she still very much wanted to be friends. I want to be friends, too. I'd like to be more, but to be friends will suffice...

It's been a long time since I pulled 90mph on the highway. It's been a long time as well since I tasted salty tears. Rachel was there for me, as she always is. The pain will fade, and 'Not Now' is not a 'No.'

I'm tired. It's been a very exhaustive day.
I think I'll go to sleep.

Comments

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

By "casual dating" and "Going out" I mean more of the exclusive Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships which are quite prevelant in society, mostly as a recreation, though a poorly-though-out one, in my estimation. I do not mean by those terms 'going on a date' such as taking said lady to a dance, or to a play, or to dinner, all of which I have done with Suzannah, and expect to continue doing.

I'm not sure I regard it so much as a major derailment of a major life plan, so much so as *another* set-back, and one gets frustrated with set-backs after a time.

No trouble. I'm sure I sound worse than I really am; I tend to do that.