I have one goal in life, and it's very difficult to do alone...

[jackofallgeeks]

I asked Suzannah 'out' in an official way tonight... Put simply, for me and her, dating isn't just for fun or companionship, friends supply that (in theory). Dating is preparation for marriage, ie, it's specifically directed toward the possibility of marriage.

Her answer: Not now.

Which is a perfectly reasonable answer for a practical girl who has a good two years of college before she graduates. She believes she's not yet in a position to consider marriage as a possibility, and I kind of have to agree with her. Even I have been having doubts about my own readiness, and I have but one year left, and I'm quite certain I want to be married... Still...

I would, of course, rather be told I'm too early than that I'm too late. She said that maybe if I were still interested at a later date that there might be a different answer. She also said she didn't want to hurt me, and that she still very much wanted to be friends. I want to be friends, too. I'd like to be more, but to be friends will suffice...

It's been a long time since I pulled 90mph on the highway. It's been a long time as well since I tasted salty tears. Rachel was there for me, as she always is. The pain will fade, and 'Not Now' is not a 'No.'

I'm tired. It's been a very exhaustive day.
I think I'll go to sleep.

Comments

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Heh, yes, I already have those, though I'm not sure I've yet taken the time to listen to them... I do like what music of yours I have heard, "After Manhattan," "Sadame," and "Riding Reverie." And it seems there's another on your server I haven't heard, I think, "A Theory of Perception." I'll have to yoink it when I get home. I like the title, as perception is one of my favored ideas to contemplate, when I actually get time to contemplate anymore...

On a point more related to our subject... I was in a very similar situation myself five years ago, with another lady who wasn't incvlined towards casual dating... But instead of speaking with her, I was directed to her father, who explained 'Courting' to me for the first time. It was another Not-Really-No answers, but it was also still rather disappointing... I've since found that said lady really isn't interested in marriage at all, and I pray such doesn't end up being the case here, as well... Or something...

[ex-orin917.livejournal.com]

I hope not for your sake.

In my experience women who are interested in marriage seem to talk about it. They say things like "I want to have 12 kids one day". Hehe, okay well I guess that's just one particular lady in my case... but anyway my point is that they mention these things. It usually factors into their dreams and aspirations (which, incidently, are things you should find out about any lady friend you might be interested in).

Of course my own love and lost story is the biggest tumble of knots and tragedy so I'm not the best judge of these things. But anyway...

I guess the best word of advice I can give is be the best friend you can possibly be without applying pressure to a romantic aspect. What will be will follow from that.