Chains of Gold

[jackofallgeeks]

I don't think I've posted anything of real value here recently...
Maybe my laments over Prom...

My parents questioned me this morning.
See, last night at dinner I told them that I was going down this Sunday evening to see Claire.
This means that I'm going to be missing a Family Get-Together, which I'm loathe to do.
But I told them I knew that, and the issue passed, the rest of dinner going as usual.

This morning I got up for work, which is the way things run.
Went downstairs and made my lunch and got breakfast...
As things were stretching on before time to leave, my mom asked me:

"So, if you and Claire have decided you have irreconcilable differences as concerns marriage, why are you still Seeing each other?"
The capital-S was strongly present.
"Because we haven't decided they're irreconcilable." I mumbled.
Correction, I haven't decided such. She may well be past that by now...
"You're not going to compromise your values, are you?"

The echoes of that are still ringing in my ears. No, of course not. I can't compromise who I am.
But the issue is that Elizabeth and I had been talking just the other night, and I said "Everyone makes compromises. It's just a matter of decided which things you can't let go."
I can physically feel it pulling at my bones.

The thing is, it's not a matter of how much I love her. We didn't break up because my affections or hers were brought into question. It wasn't so cut and dry as "I don't like you" or anything else so juvenile. The issue was in me. I can't but be a Catholic, and if Claire doesn't want a Catholic man...

I could be happy together with Claire if, and that's not fair to her.
I don't know... I want to be near to her, but I don't want to open old wounds...
Though, maybe I'm the only one who's going to be hurt...

Comments

[thismortalquill.livejournal.com]

I could be happy together with Claire if, and that's not fair to her. I don't know... I want to be near to her, but I don't want to open old wounds... Though, maybe I'm the only one who's going to be hurt...

I don't know. It sounds like you've made your mind up but won't admit it to yourself. You talk about future hurts, but Andrew, you've been hurting deeply ever since we met, and I'm sure for a great deal longer than that. How much longer are you going to continue to hurt yourself? Once you make a decision either way, the healing process can begin.

She seems happy. I feel terrible saying that straight out, but it seems to be the case. She seems happy, and her life is moving in new directions. She obviously cares for you, but if you aren't going to be a major part of her life, what business have you to hold her back from living it?

[otakulk.livejournal.com]

Damn you and your mom have actual discusions.

I don't think your mom meant to hurt you when she said that, I think she just wanted to remind you that you have to be careful with yourself. Its hard to do what good for yourself sometimes, its hard to be safe when it feels so write to be dangerous. Its true that people make compromises, but there is a difference between compromises and sacrafice.

I still don't fully understand the whole thing with you and Claire, but I think you should ask her if she still has feelings for you. Because if she doesn't, then you need to stop.

The issue was in me.
I assume when you say that that you mean the issue was with something about you that you feel defines who you are, not you as a whole person. And on that note, thats rough man /:(

Anyway, I think you and your mom use words that are to big. I can't understand them, thats not fair :(. haha ust thought I would lighten the load of this post.

On a final note, there are two things I leave you with, both of which you know, and neither of which will help:
All yo uneed is love
Never give up your priciples