A few times a month, my friend Chris has people over to his place for games, or movies, or sushi. Last Friday was a Movie night, which tend to be smaller gatherings: I guess people don't like movies. This week, it was Me, Chris, his fiance Liz (who I haven't seen in a long time; it was good to see her again), Joia, Anne, and a friend of his I hadn't met before: Flynn. I've probably completely messed up her name, but that's not the point.
My reputation preceded me: Chris has perpetuated a long-lost nickname of mine, Giggles, and that combined with my jovial nature prompted two questions from Flynn over the course of the night: why do I laugh at everything, and why am I always so happy?
The first question is easy to answer: everything's funny.
In answer to the second question, though, I just laughed and asked Chris why I'm always so happy; he said it was paint chips. The truth though, as Chris and most of you here are well aware, is also really easy: I'm not.
I love people. They energize me. Even when I'm in a bad mood, being around people makes me feel good, and so when I'm around people, I'm always in a pretty good mood. I'd have to be pretty miserable for it to be otherwise. But I do get sad a lot. Sometimes I get really sad. I get lonely. I look around at my life and, as good as it is, I can see all the pieces that are missing, or that don't fit right. Sometimes I physically ache from the sadness.
I stayed home from work today. I called and told them I was sick, though that's probably slightly less than truthful. I didn't sleep well, and I ached, and I'm pretty sure I'd've been less-than-functional at work, but I'm not really sick. I'm glad I stayed out, though; it's a good bit of time for me to have just by myself, and I don't get enough of that lately. Extroverted or no, even I need some downtime.
Life IS good, though. Really good. I own a house, and I love my home. I have a job I enjoy (most days), which pays well and is only a short drive away. I have family and friends nearby who love me. I'm healthy, intelligent, and handsome (if I do say so myself; and I do). It's a melancholic-ally beautiful day out.
I watched the last Netflix I had today, "Finding Neverland." It was a good movie, though a bit slow in general. I admit, I cried; it was cathartic.
Anyways, just wanted to share some of today's emotion with you all. I'm happy, in a rainy-day sort of way.
