A little late-night heartbreak.

All of my friends are getting married, and it makes me a little bit sad. I don't want it to, I want to be happy for them and content with myself. It's just... discouraging, sometimes. It just feels like, in a lot of ways, I'm left doing what I *need* to do, and not what I *want* to do.

Claire got married this weekend.
And I *am* happy for her, it's just it feels... weird, too.

I don't want to compromise my values and settle for a girl who isn't the sort I'm looking for. And I don't want to compromise my heart and marry a girl just because she can check off all the right boxes. I want to be passionately in love with a girl who shares my goals. But I do get lonely, and I do get discouraged.

I want to feel for a girl the way I felt about Claire, the way I felt about Anastasiya. In both cases the feeling blindsided me, and I fully expect the same again, I'm just very bad at waiting.

I'll be better in the morning.