I am a leaf on the wind. Watch me soar.

I was talking with a friend late last night. We got into some heavy stuff.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not even who I pretend to be.

Talking late at night has always had a particular effect on me. It tears down certain walls.

There's a lot that bothers me about me, when it comes to light. I'm proud for one. I don't like that. I like the self-confidence I have, but I don't like the way I can be selfish, and unwilling to admit my own faults. I don't like how attractive so many of the Wrong Things look to me sometimes. I don't like how not-removed from The World I am. I don't like how I have these strong convictions, this unwavering belief in the Church and spiritual reality, but almost no faith.

It came to me admitting things that I don't like thinking about.

That Jesus died for our sins I can believe. That there's a spiritual existence, that there is God and the angels and the immortal soul I can believe. that there's a heaven and a hell and an Eternity I can believe. That there have been miracles, even, sure, I'll believe that. That there ARE miracles, that I find difficult. I have very little faith that the World I believe in has any bearing on the World I exist in.

And other little things.

I have doubts, and doubts scare me. I've been wounded, and I'm afraid of being wounded again.

I would sooner lose anything else -- a job, my computer, a limb -- than a friend.

We even talked, for a moment, about Suzannah.

It's the same as ever, really. It only hurts when I think about it, but... I really considered her a dear friend. She was important to me. I enjoyed her company... It's better when I don't think about it. -smiles- I want to cry.

I don't think I let myself cry over The Situation until last night. And I know it doesn't seem like it here, and it's only been a few weeks, but I'm really not that bad off. I don't think of her, and when I do, I don't even get sad or angry any more. I just hurt a little, is all.

It was cathartic. And I thought I'd share.

Info on warning email going around.

Possible Phone Scam, but Snopes says not to worry too much.

As mentioned above, the amounts of money involved in these scams have been greatly exaggerated (probably by computer-introduced transcription errors) to the point that readers are now warned they may be charged more than $2,400 per minute if they fall for this scam! Actually, a victim might realistically be taken for $25 to $100, but not thousands of dollars. ... This scam took off when the government cracked down on domestic 900-number abuses several years ago, but it isn't especially common any more, and most consumer watchdog organizations report they receive far, far more calls from people concerned about the e-mailed warnings than from actual victims.

Meme

1. Grab the closest book next to you (just grab one, not a cool one).
2. Turn to page 123.
3. Find the 5th Sentence down.
4. Post it.


The last man came gasping into the rear, said, "The Worm! It's almost on us! Blast off!"
-Dune


I'm still reading that book; I'm significantly farther than p123, but not much further than I was on Sept01.