Monday Morning

I just called out of work sick because I have quite a bit of reading to do for this afternoon and tomorrow, and no way to do it if I go in today. Also no way to do it if I sit here and Update all morning, so I'll try to be brief.

Sick most of yesterday; Pepto-bismol is actually pretty effective relief. Saw my old friend Jess at the cook-out yesterday, which was nice. She's a happy, friendly, pretty girl. Tom came over here to watch some Anime, Bubblegum Crisis 2040, and I pitched my idea for a WoD2 game to him. I may get back to actively pursuing that and trying to get players, or something.

I called off plans for going to Contra this week in order to see Cruxshadows with Jenny at Nation. But odds are that if she bails on me, I won't get out to that, either; I'm not a fan of heading out to clubs by myself; even if I plan on meeting there, I don't enjoy going alone. Or something. I'm currently under a very slight but persistent sense of loneliness; not nearly as lonely as I've been at times, but a current just strong enough at the be felt when I sit still for too long. I'm really afraid that Suzannah does not now have, nor is ever likely to have, any serious interest in a Relationship with me. I think that thought's a prime factor in my current loneliness. I won't be seeing her for at least another couple weeks, and even then I'm not sure I'd have the opportunity, or the nerve, to broach the topic.

If I'm not careful, I'm going to get in over my head; I have classes, work, a social life of sorts, and various commitments I make. Tonight is Unsung; tomorrow I'm going home to see my sister, who's visiting for a couple days; Thursday is Nation, and when it's not it's Contra. Sleep is good, too. I don't want to have to give any of those up, I want to be able to see people (around Campus and otherwise), and I really do need to work, so I can pay for things like Nation and Contra and the like.

But now I've taken ten minutes too long. Plato awaits.

Monkeys have opposible thumbs, so they could do it the same way we do...

So, right... I'm sitting here, minding my own business, taking a break from reading Plato, and not one, not two, but three people rather close to me casually remark on suicide. Like, their own suicide. The first was less-casual, just a simple "yeah, I've thought about it, but it always seemed to selfish." The second was a bit more confused, as it was in the middle of a long, emotionally-charged rant about loneliness. But the third was rather off-handedly "yeah, I guess everyone thinks about killing themselves."

I've never thought about it. I guess it's natural human folly to imagine oneself is indicative of the majority, but I'd at least assume that rational self-preservation would stand up to all-but the bleakest of emotional despairs. Maybe that's just me; I do tend to eschew emotion over reason whenever and wherever I can. I wouldn't ask for confessions, but I think now I may be shocked by the number of friends I hold dear who would have considered That Way.

If I think about it too long, I think I could get very sad.

How much is that puppy in the window...?

I'm such a puppy. All you have to do is pet me and I'll love you, and I'm almost unfailing in my faithfulness. I was thinking about Claire tonight, just randomly. I haven't seen her in a very long time, and we rarely get time to chat. But I was thinking about her, and I still care rather strongly for her. Heck, I still have feelings for Jean, who I never dated and who I haven't seen in possibly eight years, aside from a short visit four years ago. She and I chat and email now and again, but not often or very much. -shrugs- It's just my way.

I got an email from Suzannah today, which made me feel better. Nothing fancy, just a "hey, how are you? It was nice that you came to visit, even though I couldn't come out" sort of thing. But it was nice hearing from her. it'll easily be two weeks before I can see her in person, but...

My body, likely in retaliation for not being fed most of today, is resorting once again to gastro-intestinal terrorism. So, I think I will go lay down while I have the dissidents 'dealt with', and it'll probably be tomorrow before I get up.