On a Lower Note...

[jackofallgeeks]

I don't want to have to beg for affection. I don't want my every motion to be questioned. I don't want people to wonder what I mean when I give a friend a hug, or tell a girl she's pretty. Even when it does mean something, why does it have to mean something?

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to expect that those I consider friends aren't going to provide the support I need. I don't want to think they they'll respond to my needs with a sarcastic 'oh, poor baby.' I don't want them to try and impose who they think I am over who I'm trying to show.

I don't want them to think I'm upset with them for any reason. I do feel alone. I miss my friends. And what right do I have to say that for? I hide myself well enough. For someone who's always around, I'm never here. I wish I could spend time with them. I get tired of this digital existance. The only ones who mean anything to me I see through a computer monitor. I want to see them and touch them, and really talk with them. Not just speak at eachother, but rerally DISCUSS things, and connect on that personal level that makes you feel like there's really something there.

I want to know where my own biases end and the reality of the situation begins.

As long as she's in my arms, does it matter who she is? I want it to.

Comments

[surichan.livejournal.com]

What brought this on, Andrew?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

I'm lonely. I think. The only good friend I've talked to at all in the last several days has been Elizabeth, excepting a short but decent conversation with Amanda. In either case, they've both been in the stale-blue light of this. -taps computer monitor- It gets to me, every now and again, that none of the people I feel close to are here...
Like, I don't feel connected to the people I care the most for.

[surichan.livejournal.com]

::nods:: That's tough. I can't really understand, since I've got Beth next to me all the time, but I've experienced that before, especially during breaks when I'm at home and there's no one I can really talk with.

When summer comes, are you gonna be able to see more people?

[jackofallgeeks.livejournal.com]

Not sure. Maybe. Olivia's going to be in Front Royal all summer, only an hour away. Ms. Claire is going to be busy all summer, though I'm hoping to visit her at Camp sometime. Stacey's supposed t'move here during the Summer, and me and Elizabeth are talking about seeing each other sometime. And, depending on how work goes, I might get an opportunity to visit Rachel or Amanda...

[otakulk.livejournal.com]

I feel ya man, I felt like that all the time during co op. Hey you should come and visit philly! I will be here all summer, so you should come up!