jackofallgeeks | Quotable Quotes

From Attack Of The Clones: Breadbox Edition

AMIDALA
Palpatine, why are you the only one
who has aged at all?

PALPATINE
Because I’m evil.

EVERYONE ELSE neglects to hear that.

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PALPATINE
Still, I feel I must turn this situation to my
advantage. Let’s assign some Jedi to
protect her. How about…Obi-wan?

YODA
Suspicious I am. Do nothing I will.

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AMIDALA
I am concerned but my emotional range
is too limited to show it.

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AMIDALA
Stop looking at me like that.

ANAKIN
Do I make you horny, baby?

AMIDALA
No, your lecherous smirk is creeping
me out.

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INT. A CGI LIBRARY

AUDIENCE
Oh, for god’s sake… BUILD
A SET!

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ANAKIN
Amidala, this love makes me spew
lines of dialogue that make Spider-man
seem like cinema genius! I cannot take
it any longer. If you are suffering too,
please feel free to empathize!

AMIDALA
I would, but that would require an
expression of emotion.

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AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHO
HAVEN’T SEEN THE ORIGINAL
TRILOGY
Um, why do we keep cutting to the
kid? He’s not doing anything.

REST OF THE AUDIENCE
And he never will. But we love
him anyway.

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YODA
Screwed we are.

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PALPATINE
I could authorize an army, but I don’t have
the power. If only (Jar-Jar) someone (Jar-Jar)
would ask the Senate (Jar-Jar) to grant me
more power (Jar-Jar).

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WAIT! YODA shows up with a bunch of…

AUDIENCE
Stormtroopers?! They need help and Yoda
brings stormtroopers? What are they going
to do, shoot up the sand?

BUT WAIT AGAIN! The CLONE STORMTROOPERS actually hit things! That they’re aiming for!

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YODA
Down you’re going, bitch!

YODA KICKS ASS and TAKES NAMES.

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AUDIENCE
Oddly enough, I thought this episode
was going to be about the Clone War.
“Attack of the Clones” and all.