Drudgery

[jackofallgeeks]

He sat himself at the table, his muscles groaning in relief, as she buisied herself at the fire. A large pot was hung over the flames, boilling a milky-colored stew. It was probably goat again. The rain beat against the windows as she dished out the stew, her ladle clinking dully, first against the pot and then against each of the stone-work bowls. "The wooden shingles leak over in the corner." She said flatly, motioning with her head. "You'll need to fix them." 'When we have the money' was left implied. She placed the heavy-smelling bowl infront of him and then took her own seat. The iron spoon, smooth and bent by years of use, slid familiarly into his hand. He would tell her about the oxen tomorrow.

Comments

Och...

[serenabuny.livejournal.com]

But I did feel rather attacked. I'm touchy and I felt like you were rebuking me for something I have a solid grasp on. Anyway... Now that I know you're not working with quotes, don't get too attached to phrases ^^. It's all right, but it's sounds un-natural really. Too wordy for such a simple message... And I think you can take those deeper messages and put them in your writing, just make them more obvious to the reader. You can do it, you have the skills. Just gotta start asking yourself questions and read it with a detached feeling. You have to pretend you've never read it or anything like it before, yes? And I DO really like you work ^^. You've got ideas, we just need to work on shaping words so they're expressed so others feel what you do, yes? We're all amateurs here, we all need to dvelope our writing skills. Hell, I suck, but still like my writing. I'm just trying to use what I know to help make your work more publishable for large audiences... Love your work ^^...