John Noble (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jackofallgeeks) wrote2002-11-18 10:43 pm
jackofallgeeks) wrote2002-11-18 10:43 pm
Entry tags:
Drudgery
| He sat himself at the table, his muscles groaning in relief, as she buisied herself at the fire. A large pot was hung over the flames, boilling a milky-colored stew. It was probably goat again. The rain beat against the windows as she dished out the stew, her ladle clinking dully, first against the pot and then against each of the stone-work bowls. "The wooden shingles leak over in the corner." She said flatly, motioning with her head. "You'll need to fix them." 'When we have the money' was left implied. She placed the heavy-smelling bowl infront of him and then took her own seat. The iron spoon, smooth and bent by years of use, slid familiarly into his hand. He would tell her about the oxen tomorrow. |
Some Criticism - I like it.
As for cutting out 'in the corner,' I'm afraid that's what she said, and I would sooner change my narration around than take her words from her. Along similar lines, and as it pertains to your speculation on the use of 'wooden shingles' -- I would but ask that you pay attention to what the author does say, and not so much question if he meant to say it. Definitely present your observations, as the author may not have intended to say what you read, but at the same time - perhaps the implication that this couple lives in a run down house that was once good says something important. It's been pointed out to me that if something stands out in a work, the author is most likely trying to draw it out. Think on it for a bit.
As mundane and perhaps obvious as my writing may seem, I like to think that, with a bit of though, deeper themes can be found it them.
On a finishing note, I much appreciate your criticism. I don't claim to be a renowned writer, and Lord knows I don't put these up for my health (though I will say it's all quite enjoyable).
Re: Some Criticism - I like it.
Clutter means, in the most basic sense, words that clutter your writing. Words that can be deleted and have no real substancial purpose. Excluding dialogue, words like very, really, and quite just repeat what you're syaing. This doesn't mean you can't use them, but make sure they're used infrequently and used on purpose by the author.
"I would but ask that you pay attention to what the author does say, and not so much question if he meant to say it. Definitely present your observations, as the author may not have intended to say what you read, but at the same time - perhaps the implication that this couple lives in a run down house that was once good says something important. It's been pointed out to me that if something stands out in a work, the author is most likely trying to draw it out. Think on it for a bit.
As mundane and perhaps obvious as my writing may seem, I like to think that, with a bit of though, deeper themes can be found it them."
I can in no way find deeper meaning in this writing. It's too short and lacking on solid verbs for me to get a firm grasp of what's going on beyond the Exact words that you write. A reader typically does not just read exactly what you write, but uses their imagination and expands the image. If a work does not seem to stretch outside the walls of the room/place and leave some mystery to it, it's no good. There IS a wrold beyond that room and the reader wants to feel that. As far as meaning to say something, I HAVE to question it in this early a stage of writing. It's my fecking job. As long as I know why you want it that way, and develope it so that it's understandable to the reader, then it's ok. In such a short piece, with so little pattern or recurring theme to pick up, how am I supposed to expand and find deeper meaning in it? I can't find any words or images that repeat to emphasize a feeling of conflict, poverty, or whatever it is you're trying to show. Develope it more or piece it with something else. Right now all I can see is that they're in times of trouble, are poor, and are growing to be harsh, spiritless people...
no subject
First of all, I said I liked your critique, so please don't feel as though I was in any way attacking you. I wasn't. I am doing this creatively, there are no 'quotes' that i'm working with, strictly speaking, but... ::Shrugs:: I just meant to say that I wanted her to say what she said, is all.
As for the deeper meaning I may imagine there is in my writing...
Maybe I do just imagine. ::Shrugs:: It doesn't matter. I never claimed to be any good at this, and so if you can't see beyond my four walls, maybe it is a failing in my writing.
I still enjoy it.
Och...