As a little background, she and I were involved a little over three years ago; my Senior year, her Freshman year. We weren't dating, mostly because of me -- I was still enamoured with Suzannah at the time. I met Meghan at Contra (which I'd been going to in order to see Suzannah), and I asked her to dance because she was being quiet off to one side and, after being in the group for most of a year, I felt pretty comfortable there and wanted to get new people to enjoy it as well. Since Suzannah was, in retrospect, trying to see less and less of me, Meghan and I spent more and more time together, dancing and talking afterward and stuff.
Fast forward a bit, Suzannah's out of the picture, I know I'm going away to school in California, and Meghan's been fairly open about wanting to date me. This puts me in a rather awkward spot, as I'm not over Suzannah (despite my mistreatment; comparing me to a dog isn't far off the mark, really) and past experience has given me misgivings about long-distance relationships (in my mind if not in truth, my summer in California contributed to the disintegration of my relationship with Claire). And, as I told her and myself, I had misgivings about being her first relationship, because experience had taught me that first-time romances never work out. (And she'd never been in a relationship before.) So I hemmed and hawed and pulled back, and then I was in California. (Just before my leaving, she and I went out to dinner together; it was a rather emotional parting, and we both left in tears because we weren't to see each other for a long time -- at least, that's why I was crying.)
When I was out in California, we still talked. She still wanted a relationship, I was still reluctant. As Christmas break drew near, she suggested that we at least "give it a try" while I was home for the holiday. That seemed a bit absurd to me, especially since I only got two weeks which is hardly enough time to see each other let alone "try out" a relationship, but I relented and said, yeah, we could see how things were over break. Then we had a fight.
There's a lot that could be said about the wheres and whys and whats of the fight, but it pretty much came down to the fact that she wasn't comfortable with me having close lady friends. As anyone knows, 90% or more of my friends are girls, several of them I'm very close with and a few I've dated before. I imagine it was one part feeling threatened and one part her up-bringing (I'm pretty sure her parents don't think boys and girls can be friends; as Harry said, the sex always gets in the way), but the bottom line is she wasn't comfortable with my friends, and I wasn't about to give up my friends for a romance, so... Very shortly after our fight, she started seeing this guy Patrick, and we didn't even see each other over Christmas, let alone "try things out." (Unless we did, and I just forgot, which is possible, but I don't think it happened.)
Patrick didn't like me one bit, which is perfectly reasonable considering that (1) Meghan had liked me, and (2) I'd hurt her. I'm pretty sure most of Meghan's friends didn't like me very much right about here, but I can't really say, I never knew them. I can't remember the hows or whys, but for some reason I tried to reconcile myself with Patrick and he'd have nothing of it; I never so much as spoke to the guy, but he really disliked me. I'm not presenting this bit very well, Meghan or Laurel might be able to explain it better. Patrick didn't want Meghan to talk to me any more, didn't want us to be friends, and I really don't understand not-being-friends. Meghan and I did stop talking at one point, I think, then she started up communication again. She had less-than-great stories which basically said to me that he was a jealous, controlling jerk and his family hated Meghan, which I said was more than enough reason for her to not be seeing him. But she apologized for him... There was later a story about Meghan getting fed up with him and asserting herself (which I found odd, because I'd known Meghan to be fairly assertive; she's an Irish Woman, for crying out loud), and after that he allegedly started behaving better and treating her like a person. This whole section is rather fuzzy for me, though.
Relatively recently (in the last year or so?), I asked her why she'd been avoiding me and she said she wasn't avoiding me, but it was maybe best that we weren't friends any more. Which hurt me a lot, not least because it was essentially the same thing Suzannah had said to me. A while after that, I let her know that I was still angry about her calling off of our friendship. She apologized for it (for what that's worth) and said vaguely that maybe we could be friends again If, but she couldn't say more than that. (I surmised that the If indicated she was having troubles with Patrick, but didn't get confirmation.) this is putting her in a worse light than it should be, I think: I'm afraid as it is that all my friends are biased against Meghan. (And it's not like they don't have reason to be.)
Through all that, Meghan had transferred from Christendom to Steubenville (though I can't remember if it was before or after getting together with Patrick, who himself was at Steubenville, I think). Amusingly, she got to be friends with my brother Josh's circle, at least in part because her childhood friend Tahlia was in that crowd (and, coincidentally, one of my brother's ex-girlfriends). I saw Meghan a few times when I was visiting Josh, though the timing gets confused.
This is all important, though, because Elizabeth (another of the group, and also one of Josh's exes) was having a cook-out on the 5th (last Saturday). I really like Josh's Steubenville friends, and I like seeing people, so of course I wasn't going to miss it. A few days prior, though, updates on Facebook let me know that Tahlia was making arrangements with Meghan to get a ride to the cook-out. Which means Meghan was going to be there, which only makes sense because she is part of that crowd now. But I was rather conflicted on the point, because while part of me wanted to see her (the fact that I still carry a torch for her had recently come up in a conversation with Leslie, though I don't remember how), most of me was still hurt and angry and didn't really want to see her. But I resolved to just play it off and not make a big deal about it, and even if I was angry I could be civil.
The cook-out came, Meghan arrived, we got along well. We got along really well, actually. The whole night was really good, with Elizabeth's College friends meeting her High School friends, and lots of laughing and joking around and watching Clue. (I'm pretty sure at some point the potential for Leslie putting me in a bridesmaid's dress for her hypothetical wedding came up.) As we were leaving, Meghan told me that it was good seeing me, she'd really missed me, and we should talk more. I agreed, we should. And it really reminded me of how things felt between us that night before I left for California.
She's said a couple more times that she's really missed me, and we've started catching each other up on our lives through Facebook messages. And I've missed her, too. So, that's what's going on with Meghan -- in short, I have no idea. But, when I logged into Facebook today (how juvenile can we get?), I got notice that she was no longer listing herself as "in a relationship."
And now I'ma shut up.