2005-04-23

jackofallgeeks: (Bashful)
2005-04-23 04:46 am

(no subject)

I took The Spark's Gender Test again.
They still think I'm a woman. Though, they were only 4% sure this time. I guess that's better than 86%.
jackofallgeeks: (Default)
2005-04-23 04:45 pm

(no subject)

First off, a nate to [livejournal.com profile] xenu and anyone else here wo might feel slighted by not getting an invitation to the graduation party I mentioned a little bit back: It's nothing personal; the thing's taking place at my parents' house, so there's really only so much room and such. On top of that, I'm really more of a small-groups sort of guy, and even as it is now I don't know what I'll do with myself if everyone shows up!
So, yeah, don't be upset, or something.

In other news, it's been a lazy kind of day here today. I was up until 6am last night working on that philosophy paper I had -- the one that had been due on Friday, and then was moved to Monday and made optional. I was just so interested in the topic, and I wasn't tired anyways. -shrugs- Of course, i'm not sure that my bit on Kant is quite as strong as I would have liked -- it was more difficult coming up with a maxim to permit torture than I'd expected -- and I think my citations on both him and Mill may be a little off, but... We'll see how it goes.

I ran into Ravelle, an old friend of mine who was here for a year or so before returning to Australia, on the internet the other day. It was good to get back in touch with her. Tangentially, I've also begun to compile a listing of mailing addresses for all my friends, in the hopes of keeping track of them all better. Of course, now everyone I know is going to decide to get up and move to drastically different corners of the nation, but...

The thing with Suzannah has been weighing on me again. Most specifically, I've been having some rather interesting conversations with people, and I almost always find myself thinking, "I wish I could talk to Suzannah about this stuff." And it's just casual, interesting stuff, like philosophy and literature and stuff.
jackofallgeeks: (Saddened)
2005-04-23 07:56 pm

(no subject)

It just hurts right now.
My heart aches, and I want nothing more than to curl up in bed and cry.
I miss her so very badly. And I don't know how to fix things. Because I really think that being like this got me where I am, being sad and scared and lonely, and so I'm afraid that admitting that I'm still sad and scared and lonely will just make things worse. I can't recover without talking about this, but I can't talk about this for fear of losing what little there is left. I don't want to be this way. I'm not this way; I'm self-assured, and confident, I'm a good man, a nice guy, a loyal and honest and loving friend. I can handle things. I can connect with people. People like me. I like me.

The most unattractive thing about you is the way you feel about [her].
She doesn't appreciate you.

I'm just sad and scared and lonely.