Criticism without solutions is like... Skrew it, it's not good, s'all. ^_^;;
Hmmm, older kind of works and kind of doesn't. See, they key is he's not supposed to remember a good deal of what happens, though I'm thinking more and more he could have just blocked it out. His age at the beginning of the story and then respectively as the action moves on makes an impact on character interactions.
The other two kind of tie in. I suppose maybe I should tone down my emphasis in places. At the same time, I haven't gotten much into character development yet. I suppose, however, emphasizing both the fact that he's mentally shaken up, and in emotional turmoil, before we start him on his way might be worth while. I'm rather at a loss as to how, exactly, to show that.
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Skrew it, it's not good, s'all. ^_^;;
Hmmm, older kind of works and kind of doesn't. See, they key is he's not supposed to remember a good deal of what happens, though I'm thinking more and more he could have just blocked it out. His age at the beginning of the story and then respectively as the action moves on makes an impact on character interactions.
The other two kind of tie in. I suppose maybe I should tone down my emphasis in places. At the same time, I haven't gotten much into character development yet. I suppose, however, emphasizing both the fact that he's mentally shaken up, and in emotional turmoil, before we start him on his way might be worth while. I'm rather at a loss as to how, exactly, to show that.